* ChEeRs *

2010-05-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

although im nv one to be the best in terms of responsiblities, but i always planned my weeks or months ahead so i know what to work towards or have a rough idea of what im going to do..... but now without knowing whats coming next... the feeling sux...

since poly i planned.. to get the job i want.. to pay for what stuff... to give how much allowance to mum...to know what is to come.. but ever since i did not get that job... im lost... i try to not let it affect me that much.. but in truth... it did... because for the past 3 year.. whatever I've planned has been surrounding this one reason... which is that job.... so from the moment i did not get it because of the last round... i lost balance... until now.. im still lost...

i always had savings... knowing that i would not need to worry if emergency arise or if i need it immediately i do not need others to come to my rescue because i prefer to rescue myself... but it seems that most of it has been depleted.. and half of it not by me...so.. without my job.... without my savings.. im so insecure.. and I've been envying others who leads a easier life than me... which leads to loads of complains from me about my life and others...

it feels sux to not have my future planned properly and plus so many responsibilities weighing on me...

im sorry if my complains demoralized you....i just hate to know that no matter how much i've work hard for the past few years... im still back to square one... and i just hate the situation that we are both in now... but no matter what... don mistake my complains for not appreciating you... or mistake that i think you are useless ... in truth.. you are the one i rely on most on support and advice becoz you are more level headed than me... becoz i noe no matter what ..you will be there for me... as will i.. to be there for you k... we are not useless.. we are merely obstruct by things, situation and people.. as time goes im sure we will find our way... love you...

im in a maze.. im trying to walk out of it...

2010-04-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

the job seems great in all aspects except for one... time... i cant make my time suit his..

yes this job is great.. gd pay.. gd benefits... gd job scope... many things to learn... everyone wans me to take on this job.. saying its super worth it.. where can u find this kind of job that gives u 4 shirts, 2 shoes, 1 jacket, 2 pants/ 1 jeans every 3mths + morderately gd pay + gd people to work with?... but to me... its not gd at all if i cant live my life... if im suppose to spend all my time to this company and spend time with no one else at all... no time for family nor him...

is it my fault that i end work almost everyday at 10pm, reach home at 11pm... or is it his fault for slping super early nowadays?... i really hate missing our nite chats and its making me so freaking lonely... and i just have this feeling that its gonna get worse... im trying so hard to not lose my temper when we missed the nite chats.. and its getting harder everyday... 3 day in a row.. sux.. and its not as if i can see him often...=( its almost as gd as not communicating other than sms.. hiax..and smsing feels so super unreal.. makes this relationship feels super unreal.. im so freaking insecured...

we don have the chance to really tok.. hope you get to read this...

2010-04-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

actually im abit lost.. abit sad... abit of everything negative.. but everytime im down.. i keep telling myself to buck up.. to not lose faith...to persevere.. and not having laogong by my side doesnt help at all.. hiax...

its really tiring.. knowing what i want.. yet cld not reach it... and now not knowing what i want... and keep serching for it.. tired of interviews.. of thinking i got it.. but ending not the right one... and kept on searching next next next and next....

my passion is food and beverage... my interest is customer service..... so im sticking to that now.. searching.. maybe i can get the right one...i hope... juz one year.. i need to persevere to wait for the next chance to my dream job... hiax.. for now... im stuck...

entitled to envy others? well.. have a lot to envy about..

2010-03-31T03:18:00.000-07:00

hi my name is shan and i work for passion..

okie... thats my partner... shantini.. hehe... WE ARE SO BORED!!! there is no customer here is LS today.. omg!

guess what i did ytd on my off day.. actually nth special.. spent almost half the day reading books... slept till late morning.. met with laogong for his medical appointment.. went to our favourite Sakae sushi at Jurong... so much food!... after which .. head of to jurong library, scout for my book series and we proceed to jurong point to walk around... guess what i bought??? STICKERS!! haven buy stickers for a long long time~~~~~~~~~~~~ after which i meet up with sinyi and its reading time!!!! * bliss*

I want my grey ABERCOMBIE jacket!!!... julai said she bought in Vivo's FOX shop... i want it i want it!!!!!! but i cant find it!!!!! ( laogong im hinting you... buy for me k?^^)

actually i saw a similar one at THE ART BOX... but that grey jacket look so plain and cost 60 dollar.. which i think its really not worth it.. i wan my grey ABERCOMBIE jacket better!!

tml gonna be a long day.. but nvm.. at least the day ends with meeting up with him..

2010-03-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

ok.. 12.47am in the morning.. working at 7 am later... cant slp.. too sad to slp? too fustrated to slp? .. i guess my heart is juz to empty for me to fall asleep.. juz felt so hollow...

anyway went to alan's belated bday party on sat.. although there isnt much of people i noe.. only a few.. but it really makes me wonder how time had passed and everyone have grown... and i missed the old times.. although old times doesnt means its all good... but i noe its definitely better than now.. no stress... juz books and fun and stealing glances at people we like, getting into fights with bois... playing basketballs and getting hit by it... playing truth and dares and doing stupid forfeits...heartbroken over getting dumped... happy when we've found someone new to like... driving teachers crazy with fury... it all leads to 3 words... innocence, mischief and fun...

no regrets on what happens when we were young.. but maybe one.. only wish there was chance to clarify... but well.. thats too much to ask.. everyone has our own lives to lead and doesnt need stupid changes which might jeopardize anything...

anyway.. if a guys scolds you like a kid and even after you cried he doesnt stops at all... he's not worth loving...

2010-03-10T05:14:00.000-08:00

Well~ If anyone out there thinks being a manager is easy job.. u r so wrong!!! i had damn hell of a day to cater with.. OMG!

First my store's pastry case kept having power trip... and to and F&B store... the pastry is what brings and drives the sales!!! and its down!!!! irritating...had me going merry go round with it...

Next, the glass of 13th floor True Yoga shattered which is in the building directly infront of us.. and everything falls right onto my store, as we are an outdoor store and located right at the entrance of this building! glass shattered, bits and pieces of shattered glass were spread through out my store, outside and inside, pave ways.. damn damn damn............. had to do lots of service recovery with customers and checking on their well being...

then.. after all the soothing customers and clean ups, toking to management.... i was back to my normal operations... things kept falling onto my head!!! there i was... standing beside my racks at the backroom full of stocks.. the stock came tumbling down like rain onto me... OMG....

thats not all.. Firdaus step on my toes afterwards and told me... "oh... ur toes ah?... no wonder so soft..."" ...................-_-""

okie...back to nice stuff... most of the store outing pics have been uploaded by partners.. pics were great! and i also came across zhihong's 21st bday party photo!.... what he had was so nice!!! so many people, gf, friends, old sch mates, our secondary sch teachers... RP faci... and his clsmates... badminton team mates!!! ... hmm.. nevermind.. no cause to envy becoz im planning my own one too!!! but i hope i have enough people to invite though... LOL.....

NOW: IM CRAVING FOR SELF HOME COOK FOOD WITH LAOGONG! but i am not turning into a " zu fan po"!!!! i merely cook once or twice a week!! whaha so don be mistaken!!! =P

2010-01-13T04:41:00.000-08:00

mum expect me to take over bill and everything frm march onwards... immediately after i graduate... where i go find money pay? im like depleted now lor.. even my savings some lend her... then rest of it using as my allowance... she seem to be very reluctant in giving me allowance now coz im graduatin... so now im depleting my saving.. which is really going flat soon... now she say i can take over bills from march... i go where find money pay?

IM GOING CRAZY

2010-01-12T23:07:00.001-08:00

is he trying to prove to me that i don need him... ??? that its almost the same in having him and not having him?........ if not why is he like this? i don know!

2010-01-11T20:09:00.000-08:00

I don freaking care if i pass fyp anot.. i don care whether i get thst job anot.. i don freaking care abt anything anymore!!!

2010-01-09T08:04:00.001-08:00

i knew it when i told sis im not going for the interview...mum called to today during work... lectured me for ard 10 mins... becoz i decided to miss tat interview... im so sick and tired of them pushing me do this pushing me do that becoz they wan me to... so i asked her a qn, " why do i feel that u all want that job more than i do?"..... then she go on abt its not about how much i can give her after i graduate.. blah blah blah...saying that its my life, ok... so i was thinking.. if its my life then why are they hogging me do things that they want?

if its my life, i make the decision, you respect it.

im really really not feeling well.. this is lik what? the 4th day im have cold spasms at night...my eyes are so tired and painful from lack of slp and stress... one more shift tml.. i can rest abit.. juz one more shift to go at PP tml... then i can rest for the night before monday starts sch, fyp and test...

for now.. i cant go to slp although i want to very very much.. fyp... then work at 7am.. not slping tonite..

2010-01-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

everyone onli noes of what they wan of me or wat they wan frm me... does anyonw bothers abt what i wan? what i need?

sister hog me abt getting the job when now im struggling with fyp to graduating..

mum hogs me abt her future allowance and when i can get my job....

work has expectations to meet which im struggling too..

fyp... is disaster but we are still rushing do do it better...

he only wans me to understand him.. who understand me then?

does anyone bother how much i had to cope? fyp & work is already enough... sis is blaming me if i don go for that interview and get tat damn job...i told her im busy... all she said was... " can u even go and maintain that profile... DOES SHE NOE HOW MUCH I HAD TO COPE?? she don freaking bother at all... all she knows is if i get that job.. the family burden is no longer her my shoulder...

i wan to shout... but shout it to who? no one wld listen.. no one is listening... ocassionally i tell my friends abt this and tat.. but who can i tell what im really going thru?

im so freaking tired and stress out.. every one has their expectation of me and expect me to meet those expectation... im really dying out of energy.. im really tired .. im really really tired.. anyone bother?

im struggling to put in shifts to work so i have money...and im so tired juggling shift, and sch and fyp now... but where does alll my money go? every time i manage to save some mum took some.. then hw? why do i slog so much? why do i make myself so tired?

they only know how to ask me.." why today at home? why nv go work ... why nv do project?".... they never ever ask me" are you tired? y don u take a day off?"

i wanted this job so much... but they are now treating my wants to their advantage... pushing me to imediately get the job even before i graduate... DON THEY BOTHER IF I NEED A REST NOT? im so freaking tired out and nobody cares...they only noe to ask me to keep moving.. keep working.. keep making money... nobody bloody cares what i really need....

2010-01-04T23:07:00.000-08:00

A team that has been put tgt/hired specially to start up SB PP, we started off as one of the best, producing great results, celebrating our success... but no matter what.. people has to move on... ahn, sue, hir, allan and me..all no longer a barista, now.. our job is to lead. Myma, sairul went to SB-LT.

This is the first and only job, that made me realise my potential, made me learned, made me improve... i miss the old, unbeatable team...

Still, at PP, the team has its up and downs, but still we are one of the better ones.... working as one.. we are family... its no longer juz a job... this is now part of life... as a team... as a family...

To me... this place, this team, although ever changing... has always been like a second family to me....

A SHM now.. im back to a newbie... back to learning... back to obstacles.... no matter which store im working in now.... SB-PP will always be my store... the store im proud to say my own..

I knew when i took this new position and respondsibilty, obsatcle will come.. but no matter, i noe i have an army, a family, down there to back me up... thanks for all the support, im really touched... i wun give up... i would do SB-PP proud...

THE UNBEATABLES 2008

Store Manager(SM):
*Haney

Shift Managers (SHM):
*Sairul
*Reezal
*Myma

Baristas:
*Sue
*Lilie
*Hir
*Julai
*Shima
* Khai
*Naim
*Ahn
*Allan
*Hazman

( anyone i left out?)

We had fun.. didnt we?

2010-01-02T08:18:00.000-08:00

i bought it becoz i tot it looks nice.. and im so sure he wld say it look nice on me too.. sad to say.. he did wat he was best in... pin pointing at stuff.. soo... the 1st reaction i got frm him is... " y look so weird... looks lik running pants" ...... all i can say is one word... disappointed... wat a waste buying that.. i was so sure he wld say its nice.. in the end he could only find fault with it... nvm.. the others would appreciate it... at least Haney did... hiax..

sometimes having a person with you is to share and happy and non-happy stuff tgt.. but seems lik he is not interested to listen to my happy stuff... and cut me off when im telling him..something fun tat i had encounter... and it really make feel tat i don ever wan share any stuff abt myself with him...

how i wish we were lik the past.. like 2 yrs ago.. everything was alright... and everything is not now...

u always ask me y y y... y i have such reaction to wat things u do... let me tell u y u dont know y im angry over those stuff... its becoz i don do that to you.... thats its why you don know how it feels.....

2010-01-01T07:10:00.001-08:00

gd news.. i passed my assesment... bad news.. as always... the first shift in store for new managers always have things to cork up abt... then make us die... so mine goes lik this........................

my partner went for count down party ytd... got too drunk.. totally collaspe and slept in store.. cant manage to wake her up this morning when i reached ... so i had to start the store and run it all buy myself till afternoon... super right... next... the POS key for espresso passport & discounts cant work... freak me out man.. but manage to survive... HQ manage to solve it in an hour time.. all store had the same problem.. yoohoo...

almost dying when my shift end.. im so so tired out.. hadnt had enough slp either.. yawn...

he came to pick me up.. but sad to say.. our day didnt end well again.. well.. isnt that juz normal? i suppose so... sometimes i think i might juz get use to it...

2009-12-29T09:06:00.000-08:00

super lonely now...

emo shit...

i better pass assessment tml... if not i'll be the joke of all managers...

2009-12-27T13:26:00.000-08:00

Im going to watch avatar the second time!!!!

hiax.. my work schedule is all cok up... its not really according to plan... and i can do nth abt it... i wish she wouldnt push me so...i ask for off, she schdule me work... she had a deal with me to work closing so i sacrifice my 1/1/09.. now become opening... i realli need some time off for my own stuff... =( and she is not really planning according to my request.. its according to her own..=( and i really don lik it... she nv does this when im a barista... at least she asked for my permission.. now im lik being force to do shifts that i did not ask for or wanted or the shifts that i requested off...the feeling sux... =( i don wan it to jeopardize my school work man.. i need time for sch work lor.. arghh.. its so fustrating.. =( i really lik this job and wan to enjoy it even if my responsible has doubled... pls don make me dislike it?

im really fustrated, tired, and i dunno la.. i juz wanna this 2 mths to end and i can get a little break off everything... i need it... my time now is bounded to tightly and i don seem to have enough time for anything...and work.. well.. now even work timing is out of my control.. wat more can i say?

2009-12-23T08:22:00.000-08:00

xmas drink
new hairstyle at home!

advance xmas celebration with deb and alisha...

i dunno wat to get for him... how?

2009-12-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

took it with mira's spec... only one wrd to describe.. toot..

2009-12-20T05:00:00.000-08:00

pics of the chill out.. i only got one... lol

at least i spent the remaining of my day with some meaning to it...

guess now is the part that we start drifting apart... even if we are tgt now i doubt we had much chance to go back lik the past anymore...

maybe all thru the fight all i wanted was for him to come to me... too bad.. tat didnt happen... to think is gd.. take all ur time... becoz after today we wun hav time tgt... there isnt a need too...

work today was kinda smooth.. manage to grab all the basics of opening procedure... gd for you theng meiyi... at least u manage to do smth right which also makes u feel right...

i wanted to go out... im so lost ... coz i fight him all the way but all i wanted was for him to come to me automatically.. now he is blaming me for not giving him time to think... i dunno y now he start blaming me for everything... i guess thats his way... honestly my heart is dying bit by bit....

maybe i shld juz slp...

2009-12-20T04:48:00.000-08:00

its 4.45am! i've juz reach home...

after a boring day at home, went to meet my friends! hang out at a super ulu bar in sembawang.... Jimms... haha but the people who serve us super friendly... theres a big bunch of us coz we celebrating Jin Chuan's advance bday... drank, sang and joke ard till 1.30am... yoohoo.... after which sinyi, me, rene and bee hang out at the coffee-shop till 4am!

Incredibily im not drunk after 5 glasses of mix.... super... drowsy but im not drunk! but im ok now after some supper... whahaha..juz abit headache....debbie said i look lik vampire... white face... red cheeks... heavy red eyes.. lol.... can call me vampire sabby from now on...waiting for 7am to bath and change for work now... hohoho....

totally enjoyed my night today!

tonight gonna be a gd night~~~
tonight gonna be a gd gd night~~~
I can feel it~~~
hahaa lalala....

i've juz send my amended schedule request for next month so tat i can work on all weekends and rest in weekdays instead! gd move! im sure now my weekend will be spent in a more meaning ful way than what i've been doing for the fast few off days... yoohooo! i don ever need to rush lik mad on weekdays to work so that i can off on weekends... y make my own life miserable?... haha.. ive got a solution for it now...

from now onwards im only gonna blog abt happy stuff!! bad stuff can be all thrown away to be hidden!! if its bad then its not worth mentioning... if its not worth mentioning... its nth...!
i love the feel of drowsiness!

2009-12-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

he bloody hell blog about my personal stuff... ask him to hell....tats my limit...

LET ME TELL YOU.. YOU HAVE NO ******* RIGHTS TO BLOG ABOUT MY PERSONAL STUFF.

its 19th again... but seriously i have to feelings to celebrate or wat.. not becoz we r quarrelling.. in the past i wld look forward to it... but now i merely treat it lik a normal day... ever since my 3rd year annivesary was spend lik a normal day.... i felt that all the 19th are all not as special to me anymore... juz lik today.. a normal day...

i felt so foolish always feeling that all 19th is special.. and shld turn out special... after which i told myself... maybe wanting it special monthly is abit crazy... so i waited for yearly... now even my yearly anni is as normal as anyday.. then wat is there to look forward to? my ans is... nothing... nothing to look forward to anymore....

i miss PP.. im stuck in nowhere... i don belong to PP now... nor do i belong to LS yet...

although i belong nowhere.. im still gonna work and slog my heart... becoz now.. the only thing that is worth putting in effort for is my job and sch work...

im not going to be as underhand is he is.. im not gonna to tell ppl abt his personal stuff.. i don lik it so i wun do it to other... even if he already did it and hurt me... im not doing the same mistake and let myself be as low as he is....

2009-12-18T23:42:00.000-08:00

y am i always wasting my time this way? tis is so crazily frustrating...

my time are mostly all pack and i don have much time for myself... and now even the time i rushed out to acc him is wasted...

many always say im stupid to give most of my remaining time to relationship... which i think is kinda true.. becoz even if i do give my remaining time to him.. its limited and also wasted... which made it even more frustrating...

the percentage of me enjoying with my time friends is so much higher than spending time with him...

where are the time for myself? i've got none... 1/3 to work...1/3 to sch... 1/3 him.... i've left nth for myself... wat a foolish idiot i am...

i wan my time back... even if im busy... i wan time juz for myself to enjoy... even if i gotta do things alone... i wld be better of than i am now...

2009-12-15T00:54:00.000-08:00

is it part of growing that we had to learn that at a certain point of time we act stupidly or lik idiots?

ever since getting this new position made me see alot of things... alot lot about others and alot about myself... im a person who does not guard against others.. i always do believe that if i try to be nice... others would be nice to me too... slowly as my journey goes... i realised that was not true... so i tot to myself... well.. i did grow up a little... that was part one...

part two... every since this position is mine... i can see that people don tell everyone everything, be it gd, bad... happy sad.. or things that is worth celebrating... no one tells everyone everything... i suddenly felt lik a fool... becoz i've never really kept much stuffs to myself.. im always out there telling others if something gd happens me... or telling others when something bad happens to me... and it really makes me like an open book.. so easy to read and understand and to be used...

lesson learn... u cant share everything of urself... first, not everyone is interested... second, that makes you vunerable... third, you would often turn out looking and feeling like a fool... ya... tats what i've realise...

planning my next month schedule now.. its so packed again like this month... lik what haney said... this is madness... i totally agreed.... lol....

2009-12-14T13:59:00.000-08:00

i nv need you to buy things for me... wateva i want i can pay for myself... its ur reaction that i hate....too bad.. u don understand...

sometimes i just hate his reaction to the things i said to him... and i hate that he things that his " then next time i don do it lor " can solve everything and expect me to be ok abt... tell you what i hate most.. is toking to ppl and they pretend to not hear it and ignore what i say.... be it at work... school... and relationship is worse... BECOZ in a relationship... im always toking to him.. and if he starts pretending not to hear what i say, its worst than toking to collegues and sch mates and getting ignored...

for every topic and conversation that you ignore when i tok to you... i will nv tok abt it again... and this will continue until one day we have nth and no topics to tok to each other anymore... you wan it this way.. then i let it be... i cant be bother to explain.. u simply think that your " i don do it again lor " is everything... then let it be everything to you... becoz its nothing to me...

2009-12-10T08:07:00.000-08:00

what is my piority? ......................everything is! haha!

It has been my goal to aim for a shift manager post... now its mine... and well... its really alot responsibility and time commitment... im no longer a part-time barista... i miss being one.. the carefree one.. lol... but i nv regret accepting this new post.... its part of growing up...

im growing fat again.. omg...

tml we r going for an early celebration of deb's bday... at somerset... hmm.. i've got no nice clothes to wear!

im signing up for true yoga! its money man.. im throwing in money to force myself work out.. lol.. kinda idiotic.. but if you guys ever tried out classes there.. its really quite fun..! i do like combat classes so ^^

kind of sorted out the things for school work.. so i dont feel that stressed now... but cant let things pile up again....

"Most managers never fails to delegate tasks... what they left out is ...... to follow up...." by SB-PP papa reezal

2009-11-28T02:14:00.000-08:00

if everything i do i have to think if its worth it anot or whether am i wasting money.. then in that case im not living life at all... wouldnt i be busy comtemplating and not enjoying wat i doing...hiax...

i don mind trying to save up on other expenses.. but y even eating i also need to think if im wasting money anot.. this is crazy... hate it... this is not saving, this is making my own life miserable... if even during eating i also need to think so much.. then eat for wat....

next time if i ever wan do anything.. i'll do it myself... i wun ask others anymore...

2009-11-25T04:48:00.000-08:00

i hate my upcoming bday... i hate toking abt it... i hate thinking abt it... i hope i can get it faster over and done with.. it sux... nth abt my bday makes me happy...

looking forward to SB open hse... we are gonna have a hell lots of fun!!

2009-11-23T20:30:00.000-08:00

IM OFFICALLY PROMOTED TO PART-TIME SHIFT MANAGER!! YOOHOOO~~~

ok.. but now im stressed....can i cope? i hope so...

2009-11-16T09:16:00.001-08:00

for anyone who claims to know me, the first thing they would say that i'm a person who enjoy food and loves to eat... but do they know why? why do i enjoy food so much?

Excluding the factor of which my love for food is moderately high, it is also the company which i have when im eating and that, makes eating so happy and fun... i never ever enjoyed food when im alone or when im with people that im not close to... but when i am... i totally enjoyed the company, plus food. i also don enjoy food when the people who eats with me does not enjoy theirs...

thats why i nv force him to eat sakae, yoshinoya or xiaolong bao with me again.. because he has plainly announced that he does not enjoy those food... therefore eating these food with him only makes my day bad and not better.. i would rather eat alone than seeing him not enjoying the food..worse is.. he critiscize them... thats y i always choose to eat these food alone or with my friends instead of him....

i hate those comments about the food not being gd enough to spend that amount of money on it... honestly .. i don care... sometimes its the company and atmosphere which i wanted that makes me enjoy eating.. not really the food...

i always read about couples and friends going out to eat and having so much fun.. a good example would be lik zhihong and his gf... which i've always read about them eating at no signboard restuarant... although it always cost a bomb .. but they enjoyed each other's company immersely... at times... its not the price... not the food that matters.. its and comapny you have and enjoying the company you have....

another would be debbie... it was always fun for her... was it the taking of photos that makes her day? or was it the company she had? or the food was simply delicious? but at least it is plain to see the she enjoyed every moment of it....

one opinion does not fits all... an opinion is not everything... everyone has different opinion.. and everyone enjoys different things.. that is y.. there are things that everyone do it separately... and alone... becoz only they themselves appreciates it... and no one else does...

sometimes i felt that no one really enjoyed being with me... im juz trying to enjoy my time as much as im allowed to by myself... even when im with others... the enjoyment was nv a big part of it... going through wateva im doing is the bigger part... like... completing a meet up with friends... going for shopping with friends or him ( which is super seldom now....).. or even juz for a dinner... it was always about completing what i had to do.. and nv really looking forward to enjoy my time...

will there ever be a person who likes what i do...? enjoys that i am enjoying? and simply love and contented to see me enjoying and being content lik i would have love the people around me to be when there are with me??... i doubt there would ever be such a person... everyone is juz simply by themselves... and never tgt...

i don need a bday celebration.. it is simply pointless...

2009-11-14T07:08:00.001-08:00

soon to be 19.11.09... which marks the 3rd year of our relationship... sometimes i really wonder how i ended up with him... it seems so unusual.. i dont know how to explain.. haha but im glad i did...

I miss the times where we go out for supper at chong pang after work.. i miss the times where we drove to lower seletar for walks or at times sitting in the car and juz enjoy the night breeze... i miss havin alot of free time with him so we could go out to enjoy ourselves... i wan free time!! hiax.. i us to have carefree time to spend!!

i've always seen others celebrate their anniversary in fashion... hiax... mine would be alone nahx.. he would be in camp.. even if he were not... we are on tight budget.... so we couldnt afford... in the future would we still have the heart to celebrate? or would we end up lik couples who thinks that such long relationship doesnt need any celebration anymore?... thinking thinking.....

2009-11-12T07:33:00.000-08:00

Its a lousy week for me! First, my favourite armani exchange slippers broke, then my fujitsu com crash. All these of which i have to replace new ones.. omg now im on super budget, and trying to work as many shifts as i can to get money back. Thanks to laogong.. if not i wouldnt have known what to do... im still trying out my new com... hope it turns out ok...

Everyone gives me negative views on buying these.. hiax but im on budget sia... wat you expect man... then kor say sony expensive... duh~~ i don care la...

2009-11-02T01:16:00.000-08:00

for the past few times that i have missed lesson i nv regretted and have always spend my time doing things that is worth this time that i have gave up from sch... becoz everytime i missed it, its either i choose to do so to acc him when he was injured or even if i did really overslept, i could have headed of to school, and not find him instead.

today.. i felt its a totally waste, so next time.. even if i do over slept... i would choose to go class late rather than thinking of going to acc him... today is totally crap and i would nv repeat it again....and today was my last allowance to miss cls.. and its a total waste.. crap..

i have and know my own limits... don teach me what to do for school....

2009-10-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

i envy others who gets to hang out with a whole bunch of friends regularly.. arent everyone suppose to pick up some friends along their way in life?.. wheres mine? i've been alone by myself for 3 yrs in poly.. and its really torturing to see ppl enjoy in a grps while im always on my own... i tried to enjoy being alone.. but i really cant...

today weixiong an yong xiang .co came to my store while they were hanging out in town ... hiax.. makes me envy them so much... hiax...

dear was given 3 week mc due to his leg injury.. poor boi... guess he wld be bored to death le ba... being in army he has his own aims and decisions to make.. but whateva it is.. i would always support him no matter...i don care what rank he gets... nor how much his pay.. i juz hope his leg would recover and have things back to normal... he muz be in real pain nahx... i only hope i could be of more help.. but other than accompanying him.. i dunno what else i cld do to ease his discomfort...

i hope to finish this term as soon as possible and start with my working life soon.. tired of being alone in school always... hope i get my desired job too.

2009-10-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

im kinda confused with my life now... becoz i feel that im no where... as though everything i do or ard me have been visiting? brushing pass me?.. its like... touch and go feeling... hiax... shuttle run...?

my sch seems empty to me.. everyday i go to sch.. i go my fyp... i go home... no friends to hang out... no nth... its juz duty... my relationship?... ever since he is in army i felt empty... every weekend that he bk out i am elated... every time i send him back in i felt really sad... when he gets weekend duties? gone.... its lik he is visiting me every weekend.. its kinda torturous for both of us.. hiax.. but what i can be sure is that no matter how hard... i wld wait..... And how abt work.. i don really know...i simply juz work... enjoy when i can.. if not... i juz go thru my duties as normal and go home... hiax..

there is always a start and an end to things.. when good things start for me, shld i worry then it would end sooner or later and fret abt bad things happening?....i really dunno... logically it is waste of time becoz i wun noe when it comes an goes.... but once u tried being truely happy and contented, but the next minute u get thrown off lik rubbish... its very unlikely you can forget that feeling...

other than having so little time to be with him... im truely content and happy with this relationship now.... and am abit afraid... hiax... but i know i shldnt.. i shld juz enjoy and let it be... but once in a while..those bad thoughts juz wldnt go away...how can i make it go away?

from a thrifty gal.. i guess im turning into shopaholic.... im wanting alot of things nowadays.. an am trying to rein in my shopping desires so that i wouldnt spend the money away that ive worked so hard for.... but for my to-buy list till the end of next yr......

1) new book shelf( my old one is collapsing!)
2) small flat screen tv for my soon to be new room...
3) tv table
4) bean bag..( bought but have not collected yet )

well for the endless to-buy list would be...
1) clothes
2) accessories
3) shoes

2009-10-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

I nv liked perfumes.. i always sneeze or get runny nose when i encounter them... but ironically... i lik Elizabeth Arden's Green Tea Scent Spray very much.... juz saw it today at northpt's SALSA shop that juz open a few days ago... $60 for a 100ml bottle.. kinda gd deal? not really sure.. heard i can get it at better price in Mustafa Centre. Didnt buy becoz.. although i love it very much.. but its not worth spending so much on it now...

laogong always say.. don buy it on impluse... haha... so im a gd gal right....^^ nahx.. i've been buying so many things on impluse last month... so i ought to keep rein on my spending desires.. thats why i try not to look at apparels shops today...

*sighs*.. maybe i can get it next month.. see how it goes ba...

2009-10-07T01:11:00.000-07:00

Wed~~

ate yoshinoya alone today in northpt before heading of to sch.... @.@

im meeting my fyp team later... frm the looks of it.. i guess i would have a hard time this semester.. hiax...wish me luck ppl...

im out of things to write.. bored.. if only he is here... *sighs*

2009-10-04T22:05:00.000-07:00

Its the start of my last semester in sch today! hiax.. happy for wat.. not as if its the end of it.. cant wait for the end to come... hmm

today is also laogong's first day of his 4 day 3 night field camp.. boring!! im all alone again... no contact for 3 1/12 day.. boo...

my module today is Human Resource.. GUESS WAT?? my faci is crazy shit.. lol.. so funni... he cant wait to end each lesson... early breaktime by.....30mins? lol...he also bought us all crackers and chips to munch on during second meeting.. SHOCK!

alan and seng gonna bk in tekong tml! sadded~~~who am i suppose to tok to when im bored now??! no laogong.. no kor.. no buddy... all giv goverment liao..sob...

im so sleepy... faster end cls and i can go home to slp..

2009-10-02T03:19:00.000-07:00

what a LONG LONG LONG WEEK.... for my work... today seems to be the worse as time passes in a tortise pace.... and im really tired... so tired.... tml last day of work for the week... and its sch time~~~~~~~~~~

2009-10-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

ya.. compairing is my fault...i knew he would giv me that reaction.. but i was still disappointed... its was my own fault.. i shld have not said anything abt it until i was ready for the reaction i expected... becoz i noe i will be disappointed... but.. im still hurt... which was stupid for me... hiax..

2009-09-30T08:16:00.001-07:00

hate being sick.. arghh.. but obviously is my sick season now.. every yr there is always a part of the year i'll be falling sick almost every week... which is so irritating... tml i'll be working at Lido Shaw... looking forward to it... such a tiny store.. muz be fun...

recently ive been on the edge of my nerves... whenever im home at night every move outside the corridor makes me jumpy... ever since seeing the blue paint on the other victim neighbour's door done by the loanshark... wondering when will it comes to us...

its been lik this for me...and i have not been slping well... ive only been lik getting 3 hrs slp per day... every night before i slp my tots kept straying to paint splashed on the door... and i always spend like 2 or 3 hours looking out for sounds or staring back at my curtain to make sure no one is there while im on the bed trying to slp.. in the end i get no slp... and sometimes i work late into night or even 2am in the morning.. what if i happen to bump into them while splashing paint in the middle of the night...? its really driving me crazy...

im like sitting on the edge of the rock and collasping soon... i really hope the CID do something abt it fast..i realli cant take much of this jumpy stuff anymore.. this is so much worse becoz my room is along the corridor... mentally and physically going bonkers soon...

havent been telling laogong abt how im reacting to this situation... hiax.. partly becoz i noe if i tell him... i'll be expecting a certain amt of concern frm him... which given his current situation.. he cant... and he is always so tired that we don have much time to tok to... it wld juz make things worse... i hope by the time he bk outs everything can be fine...

thats what happen when u have a neighbour who borrow loan sharks...hiax..

2009-09-28T08:07:00.000-07:00

time is really hard to get by... and its seems to keep dragging on and on... "lonely".. tis word can hardly describe what i feel now... im juz lost...

i guess when sch starts i'll juz wrk myself to death.... its realli realli hard.. i hate being alone!!

in this new camp...whenever back camp...he realli got no time for me.. =( ......when he is tired.. he realli needs to slp... and during the day.. he got no time to contact me either... i noe its not his fault... and there is nth i can do.... all i can do it wait wait wait... wait for that 10 to 15 mins everyday phone call... then i need to let him go off to slp.. arghh... this is driving me crazy...

i wan to scream... shout.... throw temper.... but at who? other than gov.. no one is at faut... so i cant do anything at all...

at home.. mom got dad.. sis got kor... i got........................ no one -_-"...............

i need a wand... a magic wand... to zap my life back to normal...

2009-09-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

at last~~ he booked out ytd... hmm... i cooked lunch and he had his lunch at my hse right after he came back... guess he realli don lik sispec... don lik it so much more than bmt... hiax.. ever since he is in sispec we had lesser time tgt... regardless on phone or during his bk out.. his time is always packed till late night which he is already tired out and hav to slp.. his book out time were so much shorter than he was in bmt... =( its so hard for us... coz we realli have so little time tgt.. hiax... last time i said gov is third party btw us.. now it looks ik im the third party btw them... coz i only have lik 1 1/2 days with him while gov gets 5 1/2 days out of 7... =(

we've been spending so much this month.. frm next month onwards we need to scrimp an save le... no more big spendings~~~

ytd after lunch we went to northpt to walked ard.. also to white sands while waiting for terry & co. as we were heading towards joanna's bday chalet at costa sands resort... its so heart warming seeing so many ppl celebrating her bday... if it was mine i guess not more than 10 ppl ba... lol... the onli time i had such a crowded bday party was when?? K2?? ....hur hur hur... but for me i guess if i want a chalet i would only want it with close friends ...hmm.. but bday simple is gd too.. lol... and it will be so for me this yr... i wanted a chalet actually... but i don wan to open one without laogong with me thru out... so i guess i put it off till next yr where laogong can take leave...^^

he booked in tonite and i had to work during the evening.. but we manage to spend our morning tgt... ( but end up falling asleep ).... he cooked lunch!! TOMATOES NOODLES!! went to northpt in the afternoon to shop for personal stuffs tgt.. i bought cereals, milk, shampoo, and black working shoes~~~ hoho.. he bought some stuff that he wanted to bring in to camp too.. hmm.. i hate shopping alone.. so whenever he booked out... we would always go shop for our daily stuff tgt.... which can last me a week or mre... and by the next time he booked out.. we can buy it tgt again.. love shopping stuffs with him.. food and etc hehe...

everyone is laughing at me, becoz i not going for the thurs gals night out... reezal was saying that i don go clubbing... i better go lib... HEY! which is quite true .. i love library more.. lol.. they say im boring~~~ @_@... wateva... boring boring lor~~~ =pPpPpPp

2009-09-25T09:14:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if good things would be here to stay?... a person's behaviour changes with the surroundings... but would they change back to their old self once their surroundings change back too?.. if yes... then wat shld i do...

i wonder wats my limit... hate it...

2009-09-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

3.15 am.. juz back frm work....work was boring at first today and crazy towards the end... alot of hot hunks in town!! coz of F1, tourist noe starts pouring into our country!!! yoohoo...

something funni happen today during work... one of the guy customer asked a favour from me... his favour was for me to walk over to his friend to say hi... lol... which i told him sorry, that i do not do such things during work... then he ask me if i prefer to continue work or tok to him.. i told him i prefer to get back to work.. lol.. kinda abit harsh on my side...but well... hehe... too bad...

Gd news for our store... in terms of boxes mooncake selling.. we are top 3!! gogogo PP!!! although still a long way from No.2, but at least we made it into top 3 best seller!! oh leh leh... oh la la~~

recently been having tooth and gum discomfort... ever since my wisdon tooth's surgery... the numbness of my left side tongue did not wear off at all... im starting to get abit despair having it recover at all... =(

miss him

i wonder how i'll survive our anniversary and my bday alone.. hiax hiax hiax.... off to bed.. gotta work in the afternoon again~~~ yooo hooo....

2009-09-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

blog blog blog.. here im back!

my sis would be moving out before chinese new yr, but after christmas.. kinda fast yea?.. hmm i wonder how would it be with juz mum, dad and me only in the hse.... wouldnt that be too... lonely? hmm.. initiately mum said we would be renting the room out so that it can cover our house bills.... now she refuse... said she onli said it becoz sis... actually she nv intend to rent at all... hiax.. which means dooms day for me... mum's rule is.. when im out of the working world... 1/3 of my pay is hers... then now without renting the room.. i have to take over the bills by the time i graduate... i wonder how much will i be left with... hohoho.... headache headache.... need to go find a rich husband liao ( laogong hor?)... lol =x

he is back in camp... its already 10pm and i haven get his call.. kinda abit worried.... now he is in sispec.. trainee sgt... hmm...

im realli excited abt getting the job i want... but mum's reminders abt the bills and her allowance after i get my job really stress me sometimes... hiax... and what if i don get the job? what would that makes me..? oh gosh... =( hiax.. you nv try... you'll nv noe... whether i get or don get the job... im still stress...

i miss him... hmm... but i guess this time is better than the first time he had to book into new camp... maybe im more adaptable now?.. but i still miss him badly.. *sighs*

i really have to control what i eat now.. if i want to get that job i better start eating right... besides im getting into sick mode again... being sick every few days realli irks me out.... SELF DISCIPLINE!!!.. well... i had little~~~ lol... but i'll work hard... but seeing laogong really makes my appetite real gd.. lol =x

2009-09-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

gonna be our 3rd yr anni soon~~~ and its his POP ( pass out parade ) tml!!! tml is his 3rd mth in army and he finished his basic military training...guess the best part...???? HE GETS 2 WEEKS BREAK~~~ YOOHO!

this coming thurs is his bday!... i gave him his bday present in advance on sat... and he lost it within an hour!!!! omg.. wats surprising was.. i wasnt angry... i was more sad than angry.. sad that its was the bday present frm me that wrecked his 21st bday.. =( we were finding for it high and low..but it was a goner... everyone said 21st bday muz be special.. hiax.. i said sorry for not knowing how to give him surprise... he say i did... he said he gave me a surprise too.. i suprise him by giviing him his bday present early.. and he suprise me back by losing it... -_-" so lame de joke ya...

our 3rd yr anni is 2 mths away.. but he not gonna be with me on tat day .. and also not gonna be with me on my bday too... sob ...

2009-08-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

End of Yr 3 Semester 1 classes.. and the UTs beings... hmm

today i had 2 papers.. first is Manufacturing logistic which i have no idea what im doing with the qns and second was Marketing.. that was ok...

after first UT,met up wit Siqiang as he had a second paper in the afternoon too... walked to cwp to eat breakfast cum lunch and head back school to study for second UT. which some things happened and he acted lik a protective daddy.. lol... so funni... hmm.. grabbed a tuna sandwich after my UTs and head back home.. went for a short run and back home for mum's home cook dinner.. heavenly~~~

while Siqiang and me were in cwp... we went for present hunting... and was shocked that he had such a huge amount of budget for his gf bday and was still not enough to buy and planned all that he wans.. lol... i introduced him to a necklace which i spotted 2 weeks ago at Poh Heng i think... cost 198 bucks.. but the necklace is simply beautiful though.. worth it.. even Siqiang said it was nice haha^^... i always have to walk away from that shop juz incase the crazy mind of mine decide to spend 198 bucks to buy it.. and turn to a pauper...lol but i guess after his gf bday.. he will turn into a pauper... since he doesnt work ... maybe he save up alot during holidays ba... haha.. i wish i can easily say tat i have such a huge budget for laogong's bday... then i can plan all that i wan... but too bad.. i don have... poor laogong have to find a richer gal le ba.. lol...

im really worried that its too simple and plain.. and nth fancy at all... i've really run out of ideas ... i hope this doesnt screws up... does the phrase " thoughts that counts " really exist in reality... i hope it does this time round...

know wat .. im abit pissed that he chose slp instead of toking to me after 2 weeks of little communication... but i noe he is tired.. but i cant help getting pissed off.. juz need time to cool down i guess.. hrmph...

im really tired of people telling me how bad this is.. honestly... is it really tat bad? y does everyone seems to think that it is disaster? or am i making excuses juz lik in the past and prefer to stay blind? honestly i have no idea.. who doesnt wan a perfect outcome.. but how many really does get it? .. very few...

2009-08-14T12:28:00.000-07:00

I cant slp.. i don wan to slp... everytime i lay on bed i start missin him... hugging Lionel doesnt really help anymore.. only made me miss him even more.. hope he faster get back from field camp.. i wan him back!

2009-08-12T04:33:00.000-07:00

fieldcamp day no.2.... i miss him so much la!! restless.. =(

2009-08-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

my life is split into 3 parts, family, work , school.. and how i behave in all three of them are so different and im really at times puzzled which is the real me... or maybe i can say that they are all me...?

fyp came to an end... and would not be started again until next sem.. but i still need to fret for selection of team mates and new projects... so now im fretting..haha...

for work~~ IM BACK!!! and im really glad.. but back and found that people when missing... and ppl who was already missing before i have the 3 weeks break, i miss them lik hell.. i miss all my fun loving partners during the start of this store....

today was the first day back to work after stopping work for 3 weeks... the first thought i had was when i can work with Sairul(one of my manager) again, forgetting that he was already transfered to LIAT...hiax... onli till afternoon then i remembered that he was already transfered... then afterwich was told that SUE is leaving for Holland V.. next to go wld be allan.. and suddenly i felt my store going emtpy... 3/4 of the partners who started this store are all gone... and i lost & miss the pioneer batch of partners whom started this store with me... wats more devastaing was... im next after allan to be transferred out... well.. it wld still take a while before im gone... but knowing that i too will not be in this store anymore makes me really sad...

this is the best job i've had... i've worked with one of the best grp of ppl i have encountered... and now im lossing them one by one... if you ask the senior partners of starbucks... alot would say they work for partners... for the people in this organisation.. becoz we are all the one that makes things alive... if u arent in this job... or u r new... u wun understand... now i do... ever since i start enjoying it i knew this stuffs abt working for partner and passion is true...

I missed:
* working with sairul and his crap" whats ur size?"...
* working with farhan and his jokes..
* working with mima becoz she always makes me angry during work and her reactions are fun too during work.. haha
* working with allan even i cant stand his advances but he taught me alot...
* working with sue mama... she is naggy.. lol
* working with hir coz she makes me angry but i learn to curb better everytime...
* working with rohaini so we can go crazy and dance tgt at work...
* working with all others and enjoy the process during work
* store gatherings... * haloween etc... is unforgettable*
* having store meeting becoz its always fun loving with this grp of friends aka partners... it was the best.. it brings out the craziness in us..

i missed my partners.. of all the 7 names i mention above... 5 were all sent out...and 1 soon to be... do you see what i am missing? ... so much... so so much... and im not getting it back...

family.. well.. other than... having laogong random bk out dates.. i guess there isnt much abt family.. im juz content... hmm =) oh nonono.. wait... i wan complain... my sis.... charge me 6 dollar for smthing she bought afew of it and i wanted to buy it outside!! so she say she sell it to me.. gosh...!!! she charge me!!! arghh... can u ever imagine.. last time when she wans to go facial.. she asked me..." wan go anot... u juz need pay $60 can go liao..." kaox..!! i tot she invite me so will pay for me but no!! ... STINGY!! boo!!! i wan justice!!! arent big sister suppose to pay stuff for the younger ones??!!.. lol... although im complaining.. btu i realli got used to it.. so it doesnt really matter.. juz wanna complain for fun....

2009-07-28T00:25:00.000-07:00

today laugh till all our teeth drop... u cld almost describe us rolling on the floor... laugh till stomach cramps... haha... one of our clsmate's blog was read out to us... we juz couldnt stop laugh... " when u r cold, i feel cold... when u r hot, i feel hot..." LOL... we had a great laughing time...

yijie assured me somehow.. but smthings.. i still couldnt figure out.. no matter... things will turn out fine in the end i hope...

was chatting with siqiang during second breakout at coffeeshop.. and he said smth real flattering..=) kinda made my day... it think everyone shld say smth nice to ppl ard them.. jus to make someone's day... isnt it gd?

tml is a free day~ yoohoo...

2009-07-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

everything seems so contradicting now... im so confused...everything was lik before.. but... i juz couldnt stop thinking... things don juz happens... they happens for a reason.... what if the past repeat itself... what shld i do then?... i can do nth i guess...

ever since i start fyp.. we were urge to explore the functions of facebk... for these few days ive been trying it out since ive nv done so before... i went thru all my friends profile... i found his profile... i found no traces of me inside... tats sad... becoz i included his in mine... but since im not in his... i took him out of mine too...

i don mind hurtful truths... i juz don wan lies...

i felt lik running for cover... for shelter... for smth to protect me from it....

2009-07-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

ok.. was it stress? or wat? im realli not behaving lik ME!!! i feel lik im going to become smth less, weaker in character or isit becoz i juz threw my independence to the wind?... omg... but im truly stress out... up to my neck with work and also miss him so much...

im acting lik a little gal whining an pining... and i hate it... but i have no choice...im tired, i've got loads to do.. and ive got test and i cant get any hugs!! this is not comforting at all!

i don feel strong or in control of my life now... everything is out of my control.. and i have no choice and have to go along with it...even if i don wan to... and i don lik to not be in control of my life... espcially now when everything is not... this feeling sux.... i felt so off balance and weak and i don seem to be able to take care of myself properly... dunno wats wrong with me... hiax...

did my independent nature ran away or did it nv exist at all? i dunno, coz i keep asking laogong for hugs lik a little gal, on the phone.. and i really wan someone to lean on now, to rest... im beat.. im tired... im stressed... i juz only hope that he could be here and comfort me a little... but he cant... not that he don want to.. but he is in camp... so here i am...whining lik a little gal for attentions that i cant get....and waiting for fri.... i hope he doesnt find me irritating whining and whining on the phone... becoz im already irritated at myself for doing tat ...

2009-07-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

i am so busy!!!!! no time to blog!!!! so tired... lazy also...~~~~

these last 3 days my routine is standard, 1st - cls, 2nd - UT, 3rd - FYP, 4th - on the phone!, 5th - slp. tired out~

he bought me a nike jacket similar to the one i bought for him on his last bday tat day...love it~! i bought him a mp3 pouch the previous day~ but i lost my laptop bag ytd....*sighhh~~* don really know how i could forget that.. im juz so superb in being absent-minded...

ITS SAT tml!!! yoo hooo~~~

2009-07-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

moron bkk in liao...

interesting pic!

all same timing 1:33~!

chiong fyp chiong fyp~~

2009-07-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

he think he is so bloody right to raise his voice at me... hate him to the core... wateva.. since we arent gonna meet anymre, im gonna enjoy myself with my friends then... bee they all juz asked me to vivo tonight... great timing~~ gotta have a drink tonight... im stressed to the top...

lets go crazy ppl.

nv ever find a guy who raises his voice at you juz becoz he think he has the right... nv find a guy lik him or lik my dad... they are such people...

2009-07-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

my luck... is ... i only have one word... BAD...

worked after sch ytd.. and.... the attachment partner tat suppose to work clsing didnt come... knowing that its attachment partner already sian liao... then nv come.. even more sian~~~ then next.. i have a new trainee do preclosing.. which means... he nv do before ... and the manager... well.. lets juz say he doesnt pass ok? lol...

i scared him to hell today.. sory i didnt noe i wun wake up to pick that call.. lol.... wun do it next time k... but sometimes.. hiax.. u juz take me for granted.. i wonder how u will be lik after NS.. wld u disappoint me?.. i bet u still will take me for granted.. even more... =( wat shld i do then?

chatting with Ee chyang, Debbie, Botao, Si Qiang and Jk daddy... chat chat chat... keep me awake...

chat with Ee chyang...and were comparing our life now and in the pass.. haha he said i changed alot... talking abt what were our choices if given a chance to go back and all, what i missed the most abt the past?.. and asked if i wld prefer old life or now?.. said some heart felt words that i nv really thought i wld say, given the old me... i felt changes in me too~~ hmm...

theres gd and bad abt the life now and the old life... now im having a more responsible and normal life.. and my relationship with my family is gd.. unlike secondary sch days.. i only noe play play play.. go crazy and play only.. haha... so how to compare? but.....but sometimes i felt tied up by responsiblities to myself and to everyone ard me.. responsibility to my family, my bf, my education, my work and myself... but responsibilies is smth that we cant run away from as we grow up.. so im adjusting...

im doing my fyp.. its 12.50am... Ooo..

2009-07-06T08:07:00.000-07:00

STRESSED OUT

im packed... i've got sch, fyp, him, work.. im up till my neck...

1) sch is sucky... the breaktimes and restriction is sucky and useless... hate it.... faci are changing, and each gets worse than another... cant stand them...

2)fyp... seriously don wan do it, but i cant... hate coding.. i cant really code... my teammate... well... jeremiah don really understands ppl who cant code coz he is gd at it.. and i don lik to ask him coz he will give the... " wah kao.. lik this also dunno ah?"... im not the type who code becoz i lik it... i only code becoz i need to... and i hate to do it...

3)him... i miss him i miss him... everytime he book out im so happy.. everytime he book in, things ard me juz turn dull... =( ... i wan to give all my time to him whenever he book out.. but now i cant coz fyp... but i wan to~! i wan to spend all my time tgt with him... but i cant for the next coming one month=( but he promises he spend his time by my side even if i had to do fyp... thanks...

4) work... i don have time for work.. i gotta use my time for fyp.. i want to give my time to laogon... and i ................ don have time to work anymore... the schedule i put in is lesser and lesser... and haney is complaining for the lack of schedule.. and recently the confirm schedule i cant make it.. i need someone to take over and help coz i need so fyp as we are meeting our advisor on wed.. but no one bother to reply me at all.. hiax... and also NO WORK = NO MONEY , and i already no money le... this is driving me crazy... other than the pocket money i have from mum... im quite empty after paying my insurance/phone bills and concessions and transport.... and by next month.. i don even think i have enough to pay my bills from my pay.. guess i juz have to dig into my savings then....

STRESSED OUT... im bursting...

hate my life now! i wan him! i wan to work! i don wan sch! I DON WAN FYP~!

2009-07-03T00:48:00.000-07:00

Debbie, Sinyi and Rene shld be in malacca now ba... i want to go off for trip too!!!! haha but i wanna go with him... coz mum sure wun let me go with friends.. and he wun let me go with others too.. scared i lost in other countries la~~ lol... i wonder when can i get to go off for trip with him... hmmm wondering wondering....~~~

we thought of booking chalet on his bday.. but well... he didnt know what date is his pass out day.. too bad then...

today he cant book out.. tml he book out at 1pm.. hmmm...

i wanted to buy a top.. it was posted on 10.40pm, i ordered at 10.45pm... THEY SAY ITS SOLD OUT!!!!!???!!!! soo soo soo.. i ask how can it be? its only five mins... they reply " sry it was sold out within 2 mins..." .... know what i think? bullshit...

2009-07-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

ytd... went for dental check up on my wound... haha going well....going well.. juz tat my left side of tongue and gum still cant feel anything.. hmm.. after that went to Jap market to buy laogong's bread crumbs.. then head off home.. ate lunched... cleaned my room... washed clothes... changed and head off to work~~ its a busy day~~ had to coach new comers and im learning coach to 2 new comers all till allan come and take over for one of them.. worse case is.. im the only one on floor that can take order and make drink for a period of time.. busy lik hell.. then i stilll have to "jaga" both of them... dunno where is my manager... eat snake ah~!

after work went for supper with Joshua... Indian rojak!! haha nice lar... lik to eat supper.. too bad laogong nv lik supper de...lol.. if not can always go eat supper with him instead...

getting more use to laogong not being ard me for so many days... have been making the best out of what i have now with time...enjoy to the fullest? lol.. looking forward for laogong to come back... although having all my time all to myself is kinda nice sometimes.. but still prefer him with me nahx...

Know wat!!?? my school is ridiculous!! as the email stated~~ inorder to reduce risk of spreading H1N1 in the campus.. first break time 20 min... second 30 min.. and the rest of the time we are to remain in class... WAT THE~~!!! y nv shorten classes~! y break time!!! and everyone is to go home right after sch.. no staying after sch..

bad news.. dear most likely book out on Sat.. looking on the bright side... i can acc him all day on Sun.. haha...

its raining its pouring.....lalalalalala~~

today's faci is fustrating... all wan punch her le..

2009-06-29T22:36:00.000-07:00

Tues~ my sch was name the largest local h1n1 cluster... with 66 confirmed cases... hell.. hiax... and was report on news that other students still treat it lik normal sch day... WHO SAY ONE LOR~~ if we do not come for cls, our grades wld be affected... of course we need to come for sch.. asses...

anyway.. laogong gave me a fright when he said he was down with mild flu ytd... so relief he is ok now.. hmm... my fyp team advisor is quarantine.. hiax..

im bored ppl.. any entertainment?

oh by the way.. my marketing faci did not attend for cls either... an my faci today is young, gd looking and humorous... lol.. lik one in a million sia... for guys faci, its always old or middle age... for almost 3 yrs i've only had one young and gd looking faci.. haha this is the second one... told laogong.. ahha he got jealous... funni de oh... sha de... i don even bother to find out this faci name lar... haha...

did i say laogong bought me a cute pink wallet from "cute tink"?!! yes he did!! love it... so nice~~

keep looking at the pic that we took on his book out day... cant wait for fri to come.. hehe...

Shopping list

- his black watch
- zero gap ( lol gals noe wats this =x)
- nike jacket.. ( i wan laogong's kind of design!! but cant seem to get it anymore.. =< )

2009-06-28T08:29:00.001-07:00

lalala... gotcha!

so he says... nonono!! haha... my botak..

me & laogong on sat... book out book out book out....

lalala... i miss u i miss u....botak or not... i miss u~~

ok.. happiness ended... he's back in camp.. hiax... everything start all over again le lor...

im still adjusting to the life now, life of sch/friends/home/work on weekdays and laogong/work on weekend... its lik getting thrown back into my own dull life, but without him... at least he can learn new stuff and have mental and physical target to aim for each day with so many challenges given to him.. im juz back to my own life without him... and im still not use to it...

torturing...

all i can is sms him and hear his voice at night.. arghh...

ok.. back to my dull life, without him... back to fyp... back to~~ hiax... im waiting for FRI night now... hope he can be back by then...

** H1N1 pls pls pls stay away from Tekong and Repblic Poly...pls pls pls don toture my life any furthur.. **

out of 730 days of NS, 208 days to see you. now we can minus 2 weeks from it.. hmmm

dear.. miss u ...

2009-06-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

The virus have been spreading in my school, and rumors and talks are also spreading like fire, honestly we think its not safe to go for sch and we should all do e-learning lik the year one students are doing now... do they need to have some affected yr 2 and yr 3 students before they decide to let us stay home for 7 days.. its realli kinda unfair and unsafe... and there is a big risk that if anyone one of our clsmates gets it.. we get quarantine... hiax.. i realli don wan to go to sch at all...

On the bright side............HE IS BACK!!!... lol.... my botak bear is back le... hiax.. 3 days is juz too short.. how shld i use it?... i hope he doesnt need to go back camp at all.. coz when he does... im juz gonna miss him all over again..

i think by now... people who talk to me before today noes that my bf is booking out today....lol.. im abit mad.. sorta broadcast it out coz im too excited abt it...

i wanna maintain this size... need to exercise le.. and ppl!!!!!! I CAN CHEW LE!!!! my efforts of suffering did not go to waste.. now he's back and i can eat normal food le.. ( juz abit slower nia).. but ass... he hurt my jaw today.. idiot dunno how to be gentle de... go NS le even worse.. omg... now my jaw so pain lar!!!! hmm... bet he is sound asleep now.. poor boi... gd nite... slp tite...

and yes yes... to all.. my bf is in army.. but ppl.. to all too.. im not available at all... nonono.. got it? arghh.. have they wonder if i dump my bf for them i wld do the same thing to them too...? lol... well... unless my bf totally ignore and heck care me lar, then maybe i wun get irritated over their advances..... but they do perfectly know that im perfectly ok with my bf ( except smtimes he makes me angry lik hell #.# until i wanna punch him...-_-)...arghh... knowing that they noes it and that i already made myself very very clear.... and they are still lik this.. makes me even more irritated in their advances towards me...hrmph....not that im not flattered... who doesnt wan attention right?.. totally flattered that someone still wans me when im attached .. but well... currently i only wan attention from one person now..

now i have alot of things in mind to do... i wan to ........

1) use all the time i have and make him go shopping and eat nice food with me

2) slack at home and hug him all day

3) watch movies!!!

4) juz sit down and tok to him... talk talk talk ... talk alllllll i can....

can i do all within these 2 days? i guess not.. =( he looks tired and i cant possibly drag him all across singapore when he miss slacking at home so much... arghh.. gov... can i have more time??

2009-06-21T23:07:00.000-07:00

lazy to tok.. pics describe it all.. captions to explain... tah dah...

i feeding my dog his own leg.... yumm yummm

daddy strike lottery after 1 yr of effort in buying it... happi oh..

this is the day where laogong went for army... im on the boat.. back home... say byebye~~

(circled in red)this is my laogong on the day of his book in~ he wave to us oh.... now shld be botak le..wwhaha

ENLISTEES REPORT TO THE PARADE SQUARE NOWWW!

ok... these are some pics i nv upload tat time.. so upload now lor...

i cant tok ... i cant tok properly.. faci cant hear me... my customer cant hear me.. my perfect pronoucation of english that im proud of is all GONE.. totally lost my confidence now...

i talk lik Voldermort's snake now.... " thankssssssss"

2009-06-19T00:10:00.000-07:00

as usual.. woke up alot of times... 2am, 5.30am, 9am, 1pm... cant slp well.. now i wonder if going for the extraction is worth it anot.. its alot of pain!

i tried to buy guo tiao today to eat... didnt turn out very well.. i need porridge i guess.. arghh....

i wan drink honey lemon.. i wan drink honey lemon... sob...

tml going for mrslee's house warming in the evening... but.. i can go and see but NOT EAT!.. arghh... ass ass ass ass ass...

gotta try and do the drop down menu for the webby and also my sch events for today...

i cant feel anything with my left side of tongue... felt so handicapped.. arghh.. so fustrated... =(

2009-06-18T00:23:00.000-07:00

ok... ytd was a totally scary day! went to extract all four of my wisdom tooth... totally knock out by the gas and the jab... last thought was.. him and coming pain.. lol.. such an ass.. y cant go army later?... anyway.. nvm.. after tat when im back.. slept whole day.. but will always wake up automatically to change bandage myself every 2 hr... laogong called.. i cant tok.. so fustrating.. nvm ba... hiaz.. and i bleed whole day nonstop... and ate nth...

today.. blood lessen and manage to drink milk and eat ABIT porridge... can tok abit but will cause the wound to bleed more.. so equals to cant talk.. and juz realise i juz lost the feel of my left side of the tongue.. might be lik this for a while... hiax.. my sis say her friend took 6 mths to recover... oh gosh... luckily i can still taste with the right side...

ytd H1N1 case increased by 17 in Singapore.. hope it cease quickly huh.. and for those who are buying cars or already have one.. COE rised again..

2009-06-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

there he goes again.. he nv fails to do it does he? nvm.. forget abt.. lets talk abt fun stuff.. talk abt my life... its better i don tok abt him at all... juz made everything less worthwhile... i hope by the time comes i forgot and did not turn up... realli cant be bother with him anymore.. i rather be alone than having to tok to him and get hurt by his insensitive wrds... i rather he not call if he is gonna do tis to me...

today... wel.. nth much also la.. juz encounter some very bad service crew.. and i give them back the kind of attitude that they did to me... first was a 7-11 gal... i waited at the counter and she took others payments first... still dare to give me attitude... without even looking at her i told her lik toking to a low cls gal and ask her to keep te change( 5cent nia la).. damn so angry la.. then next is when i saw the ezlink card sticker in the shop.. so i went in to ask if they have that design that the display outside... the gal was searching from and stake then suddenly she threw one pack on the table at me... so damn rude la!.. so.. i took the stack of cards... browsed.. and..........THREW back at her... lol... so fun... such an ass... where are customer service these days? all gone?

ate lunch with jeremiah.... and had a light snack with sinyi after i finished my fyp session with jeremiah... all in all.. a full and passable day... tml onwards... hell.. cant eat much and tok too... sian... oh bother....

guess wat .. the cafe that i went to with sinyi .. had a sign which says " NO SLEEPING".. first time see sia..haha

im realli going to ignore his sms and call if he continue lik this... i cant stand it...

2009-06-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

its been so long since ive sat in front of the tv for more than 2 hrs for a day and enjoy it without thinking of wat things i need to do.. lol.. kinda nice... but to me its still a waste of time though... lol...

10 mre days to 25th... to his book out.. dunno gonna hug him or punch him.. still considering...

now i find another part of that song which he might wan to say to me.. so this was wat i want to say to him and wat he might want to say to me in this song...

If i were a boy - Beyonce

( me to him)
When you lose the one you wanted..Cause he's taking you for granted...And everything you had got destroyed

(him to me)
If you were a boy, then girl you'd understand,you need to stop listening to your friends,love, respect and trust your man

anyway... TRANSFORMER comoooing...... 24 June... great! juz in time for him to be out and acc me watch it... YES~

listening to MR Lonely.. oh oh oh... thoughts went back to Secondary 4 Geo field trip.. this song acc all of us thru out the 6 days 5 nights trip.. on the bus... walking... in the hotel... playing poker... we sang sang sang... such great times... *sigh*.... miss the times i had with my old friends... all but changed now...

2009-06-14T09:55:00.001-07:00

today is serene and sinyi's bday.. happy bday to both and also to yiai whose bday was on 9 of june... every year i see them wit loads of presents... sometimes envy them too... i'll be over the top if i have more than 3 presents lor.. lol...

compared to ytd.. i miss him even lesser.. becoz i now he don need me liao... anyway.. got this song... a part which really describe what i wan to say...

If i were a boy - Beyonce

When you lose the one you wanted..Cause he's taking you for granted..And everything you had got destroyed..

well.. i didnt lose him yet... but he is getting outrageously in the habit of taking me for granted... realli hate it and cant stand it...he said i treat him cold.. that i shldnt becoz he is in tekong... tekong very big ah? let see if theres any diff if he comes out of that tekong... how long wld he take to go back to old self again.. i wan to see... he nv ever change... onli noe how to use mouth say and give me reason y i shld not be cold to him... honestly he deserve non better.. he doesnt need it anyway... he only need my support for first 2 days only... obvious...

excuses excuses... " i thought this i thought tat" wait till he say tat to his commander.. and get punish... serves him right.. and if he doesnt... that means im the only one he take for granted la... so y bother be so nice to him? better be nicer to myself....i shld have said "i also thought u don bother so i also don bother lor... "

anyway.. today work was busy until my whole mind became numb.. after work went to meet up with sinyi and all.. had dinner at Jack's place... food was ok ba... after which took ming zheng's car to pak pool with them all... fun lor.. coz i won all.. only times i lost was when white ball went in with the black.. i won JINGKAI! happi lar...

everyone asked me if he realli woo me now wld i accept.. of course not lah... although he is charming and realli nice and at times do very sweet stuffs that i usually wun encounter... but he is not my type.. as in... he juz wans a fling and is a totally flirt.....and i have laogong liao.. loads better than him... although laogong not very sweet one but at least he is more faithful la... *.* ( mr bear.. faithful is gd but doesnt win everything hor... don gloat yet... moron...)

guys ard me and all weird... he wans a fling which i feel that his extend of wooing is abit more than it shld be coz i already made myself clear.. but seems that he kept trying once in a while and see if works anot... duh! ... laogong leh.. takes me for granted lik noboy's bloddy business which totally disappoint me.. i tot being in army he would change abit... obviously old habits die hard... totally diappointed....

my family? well.. don really treat me lik one... sis was suspected of H1N1. was admitted to hospital ytd for test... today shld be the dat result comes out.. i call my bro-in-law... my hse... everyone say not yet and wld tell me immediately if they noe.. and guess what.. by the time i finish work and call again.. they said she is ok and going off to work again liao.. well... who am i in this family? NOTHING?! i guess so.. seems so that... even these kind of things they don bother to update me on... when i got home.. i was angry.. i ask kor y nv tell me... and he asked me smth which made me wash my hands off them... he ask me " y leh... whats the obligations and implication? does it implicated me or my life schedule?" yea.. im saying it now..... damn right it doesnt implicated me... they can go rot in hell i also don care... don ever inform me anymore...

family lik tat and bf went in army still lik tat... hopeless... all hopeless... there nth i can say anymore abt them.. disappointment no end...

2009-06-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

Adaptation successful... misses lessen... things are alomost back to normal again... becoz things are taken for granted again...

3rd day... he sound great today... totally cheerful and happy with his bunk mates... gd for him ba... me leh?.. im still lonely here... kinda abit jealous that he got ppl to acc him 24-7.. and i have to cope alone... =( but gd for him at least... maybe its easier to not miss him so much when i noe he is having fun... coz the moment i heard him having fun toking to his bunk mates... i don crave for him to call or sms so much anymore.. coz i noe he is having fun... not suffering trying to adpat...although im a bit lonely here but im happy that he's happy... well...going back to normal le...soon it wld feels juz lik his thailand trip nw... and me myself?... getting back my momentum i hope... not so love sick lik last 2 days le... cant have him having fun and im all but sitting there missing him lik hell right?! hmm.. i shld be at ease too now....yea...and we dont tok lik as though we r lovesick anymore... juz back to normal lor... dunno is gd or bad... hurhur... he didnt even sms me before he off his phone anymore lik he did last two nights... indeed.. he take things for granted easily don he? well i guess i shld get back to normal real fast too... well... i guess old habits die hard... he always take things for granted easily... hiax... nvm.. i'll get back my life too...

asked sinyi out today hunted for stuff to buy... jingkai came too... ate lunch with sinyi and when jingkai came... we went for deserts... chat a long while then we head off for coffee at starbucks... went to laogong's hse after tat to do smth for his mum... then went back home to eat dinner... his daddy got back ache... so after dinner i took mum's magical pill for pains to him.. lol... hope it helps...

yea.. so everyday gets better.. less misses coz i noe he is doing well and things are back to normal.... juz lik he is having holidays else where... well well... i need to find company of my own dont i? yes i do... hohoho...

mum juz scolded me for not washing clothes for sis in the morning... because y? because she is sick now.. at 11.45PM.. well.. honestly... that reason is abit off isnt it..becoz the timing have a 12 hr difference..? i don really have the ability to read future u know? if onli i could i wldnt have spend my time pining for laogong a few days ago and ended up he now took me for granted liao... im really not in the mood to care wat she say now...

2009-06-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

Second day... thoughts.. misses... reponsibilties with abit of added humor...

second day passed... its torturing... although i don cry already.. coz my friends and collegue and friend all surround me whole day...and also i told myself no crying anymore.. it onli makes it harder for him... but my eyes kept going to my phone.. my mind is all him... and i keep my phone with me 24-7, so i wun miss any sms or calls.. coz i noe its very hard for him to call or sms... so i cant miss any of it... and also i miss him... every chance is important... its very hard to concentrate... and i don wish to concentrate.. i juz wanna hide somewhere and wait for him to contact me... i don wanna do anything... =( but i cant.. i got responsibilty... to my fyp.. to my fyp team mates... to starbucks... my partners and my customers.... arghh... i wan him back to me real bad NOW... and its lik... wat? 13 days to go... omg...

i think i drove all my friends crazy today with the " i wan to swim to tekong now" .. and also im telling everyone i miss him... thinking that if i tell more ppl.. im spreading my misses to everyone so i wld feel better... but of course.. its foolish... coz it didnt get any better... i still miss him strongly lik fire ah~

I bought his Mac coke glass today.. promised would buy for him.. so i bought it at cwp ... then go sch then straight away go for work... and got chase by the rain while go to work.. reali practically chasing me hiax..... i was so distracted by my own feelings and i felt so forlorn and when im going home after work.. i lost my way... something so simple as taking an mrt.. but i took the wrong side... got down at cityhall... then i was lost.. totally forgot it would bounce back, turn about and go back yishun... so i walk out of the train.. and by time i realise my mistake... the mrt was gone.. i felt so helpess and lost waiting for the next train... all through the jorney home im juz lost and confused... i wan him i wan him i wan him... tats all my mind was about becoz i know at this hour i cant contact him...his phone has to be off.. but my mind is all him him him him him... oh gosh..

i guess beside the torture... its gd that he went for army... at least we noe how much we need each other by our side. Nt even the my cambodia trip and his thailand trip made us missed each other so so much, so much that everytime i think of him my heart ache... only now telling each other smthing simple lik " i miss u " and " i love u " became something as neccessary as water and food... before going to NS... i believe we could count how many times of that we said to each other in 6 mths.... in the past maybe only after very big fights btw us... now it juz kept pouring from us to each other.... frm the heart...

ppl think is juz army mah... some even congragulate me that i am free and can go have night life and fun.. but truely.. knowing that he is not watching me or even contactable to me if im in danger, makes me totally not wanting any night life fun... its totally no fun without him... without him somewhere reachable..

allan even came to the work place today.. and joke abt laogong going army and saying that now wan tok to bf.. don wan tok to him.. and I AM ON PHONE WITH LAOGONG!!!... so angry that he disturb wat little time that i have with laogong.. so i scolded him, swatted away his hand and was abit harsh with my words... now i feel abit bad.. but he is really intruding at the wrong time! laogong is my piority now.. i waited the whole day juz to tok to laogong for 5 mins before he slp... so i got angry that allan wanna disturb me at that time... but i guess it was inevitable... if this way is the only way to stop his "friendliness".. then i have to do it i guess... tired of ppl saying we are a pair.. becoz we will nv be!

i want laogong back!!!! if only i can swim over to tekong... if only swimming over there can let me see him, kiss him, hug him an bring him home legally without getting eaten up by some weird sea creatures... i would have swim over le!

laogong.. really miss u so so much.. im gonna hug till u feel that ur bones will break when i see u after 2 weeks... hehe...

2009-06-11T06:09:00.000-07:00

SAD, MOODY,TEARY and a day the is filled with MISSES for him.......

today is a moody day~~~ he went into army le... me, his mum and dad when to send him to pulau tekong... and i almost cry a few time all thru during the time i when to meet him at his hse and until he gonna fall in and get stuck there for 2 weeks... i nearly cried right after our breakfast tgt, when we were in the lift... i nearly cried when i was in his hse... i nearly cried when i saw him from afar while touring tekong camp... and i nearly cried when he had to fall in right after we had our lunch tgt... but i cant cry... coz i don wan his moral low.. i don him to feel that going army is smth not gd.. i wanna make it easier for him.. so i cant cry..and partly also his parents are always there.. when im at home.. i cant cry.. mum wld think me silly...

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now im all restless and moody.. juz wanna him back nw... when i heard his voice thru the phone.. i juz cant help it.. tears kept pouring... pouring pouring... it juz wldnt stop.. everytime i hear his voice... my tears came back anew... lying on bed hugging my pooh bear... makes me miss him even harder... now i understand how the phrase " longing for someone" works... this is much much worst...

y didnt i react this way when he go thailand? maybe thats becoz he didnt go to withstand hardship... he went to play.. this time..hiax...i miss him sososososo much and it hurts to think that he is going through hardship.

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one day before.. which was ytd.... we re-tidied my room and also thrown away alot of things....bed frame.. cupboard...abit of small mishap becoz my wardrobe wun fit into the other side of the room, so it had to remain where it was.. overall process was fun.... done with great satisfaction. luckily i had him... if not really dunno how to accomplish all those heavy stuff... =)

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we cooked tgt again tat day... look...

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last sat... was event full... here are the pics...

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guess wat? the dress tat me and sis brought.. had so much errors in the mailing that they send 3 to us.. separately.. lol

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laogong ... i miss u lik fire... * hugs*

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2009-06-01T00:56:00.000-07:00

ITS HOLIDAY!

BUT BUT BUT~~~~

its as gd as not having one~~~ lol... not that im complaining... already see it coming...

I'm done with coding phase 1, had alot of help from jeremiah.. lol.. but i still feel so happy when i finish it and see it works... a little break from doing code.. we r doing out final report next for the time being... back to coding another day~~ weEEee~~~ its getting harder to and more complicated though...

Ok.. meet up with my secondary gals tat day... i think i have split personality~~ coz i enjoy being irresponsible and responsible at different times... omg... honestly i wanted to do everything tgt.. but wat i sacrifice is rest, which for the time being, is not smth i can afford to waste... butbut.... i really enjoy hanging out with them... seem so worry free for a little moment there... no worry for anything and no responsiblity to worry or think of... juz play, chat, eat and drink....

my lives is all split up..

i have a family who deem going back home late, drinking, slping late blah blah blah the act of an unnormal person, and whom expect me to be a normal person of course... which i don really mind.. haha... they treat me loads better when im a gd gal in their eyes....
i have a responsible bf who play by the rules and have a great sense of responsibility... im not saying its not gd ok!! its gd... tats y i lik him...
then i have a responsible friend who noes how to go out to play and drink, go outings at the same time... as there is not tat much restriction to her nowadays...
next i have a bunch of crazy friends who are totally cool and fun at all times which has mix of responsibility in them...
then i have a bunch who are totally not very fun but yet being with them i wun be worrying abt doing wrong things...
lastly i got a bunch who are fun and carefree who treat enjoying live more importantly than alot of other things...

so whenever i am with who ...i will be who.. but i do love to enjoy my life once in a while.. even if it means being unresponsible for myself for a little while.... but later on..the responsible part of me will tell me how wrong i am... arghh...

I know u don lik me to do the stuff that i did that day..hang out late, drinking and stuff... but i cant help but enjoying it once in a while... especially their company makes me so worry free... ive been all cover up with responsibilities up my neck nowadays... but i'll try to be gd ok? haha..

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went to expo with him ...food expo, furniture, john little mega sale and more! totally fun! hohoho..

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he doesnt lik to post anything regarding me on his blog... and slowky i start to not read his blog much becoz i always know tat there wasnt me which made me really sad when i see people toking abt their partners so openly....tis time honestly that post made me feel very sweet.. pig.

2009-05-15T20:46:00.000-07:00

After so so long... at last we start coding for the application... not that im really looking forward for it... as i totally hate coding stuff... but on the bright side... at least when you start.. theres going to be a time when it ends... if i don start... how to end... so... positively~ im happy that we start coding now!!

Ok.. changing of new ez-link cards started a week ago.. i changed mine ytd.. totally hideous... is wat i can say abt it... not only the pic looks uglier and fatter, the design of card totally fail fail fail... looks more lik senior citizen's card... ass...

i wan to dress up i wan to dress up.. ever since this new hair cut.. i really hav more motivation to look better now.. be it with my clothes or hair... and i try different hair styles when i go to work~! fun~! but im sill lazy with the make ups... *sigh*... more make up means need to buy more often which equals to no money.

i started to feel more freedom in my hse and room now.. becoz i noe he's not gonna come in... gd and bad... not that i don lik him to be in my hse accompanying me.. but well.. speaking the obvious... for him...bed not to satisfactory... which always made me feel that my stuff are lousier( and i cant do nth abt it.. i cant buy new one!!!!)... my kitchen not clean enough... my fridge not clean enough... my living room messy.. my room also not up to satisfactory... everytime he walks into my house theres always this weight of stone in my heart.. waiting for him to disapprove smth... which made me really uneasy... this is my hse after all.. which really doesnt make sense.. y shld i give him chance to walk in my hse and critise my life? im perfectly alright before he came in and critise everything... everyone of the members of my family have to work or study... only my dog got nth to do... and too bad.. he only make my hse dirtier.. not cleaner...

2009-05-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

great! i manage to wake up today for cls. arent tat bad huh... woke up too earlier actually... ate congee under my block and still, i reached sch 30 mins earlier.. need some coffee rush... so went to 7-11 to get my favourite canned coffee.. Nescafe-Original.

Today... new grpings.. suddenly felt so new again.. tis time i hav no one that i noe... but as usually.. treat everyone that you dont know as if you know them.. and everything will be fine... theres this gal who talks abit rude.. so i merely gave a long pericing stare when whenever i talk to her... which evetually she gets squirmy and uneasy.. voice lower and more polite. its really useful with the piercing stare.. im simply tired to do too much reaction... i merely stare.. and it works better lol... i feel lik a vampire...=x think i read too much ....

sought joel out for lunch during break time.. my old classmate.. although we nv ever stop bickering ever since we start toking ( which is real fun ).. but it always feels gd to tok to him.. i always manage to relax and laugh whenever we tok.. guess he is funny.. haha... great friend tat is.. although not really close.. but whenever we meet.. theres always this non-stop fun talks... always manage to make me feel better... non even my best friends can do tat... miracle... too bad we arent gd friends.. but on the other hand.. if we are.. maybe we cant stay tat fun anymore... i guess its better this way... causal friends, yet fun....

im sinking into that book.. as if im one of them... vampires.. lol.. werewolves.. one of Forks community...how interesting.. yet scary.... imortality... unconditional love and concern and forgiveness...sense of humor... an all open mind.... these are all hard to find in reality.. most which most ppl can never find at all thru their lives...

2009-04-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

how i appreciate every little button and navigations i click in my com app now... becoz each little buttons means hard work! lol... create it urself.. then you will know.. then you will appreciate... hohoho.. juz lik me now... oh dear oh dear....

one of the class i had.. i had a team who totally looks down on RP... saying that this isnt wat they want... they got in becoz they got no choice... i was wondering... until now.. at 3rd year... they can still say this type of things...... so i told them... although we might not be the first in line to be chosen nor are we the best compared to other polys... but at least what we getting is an goverment cert. at least we get chosen before non-gov cert... frm the moment i step into this sch.. i know it is not the best.. but its not the end of the world... and i will nv look down on this sch... becoz by doing so.. we r looking down on ourselves too... if employers don choose us... thats not totally the sch fault.. if we dont show that we are worthy hiring... then whatever cert we got doesnt count either.... and they nodded... i believe in it... so shld they... i hope they do...

ppl keep telling me that my sch arent that gd.. or lousy in fact... he did that before.. deming did that before..and many many others... so what? im in... so i wun let that affect me... becoz ultimately... im the one who matters.. its not onli abt where i come from... no matter what ppl say.. i wun look down on my sch.. i wun look down on my own ability... telling myself that im not gd enough is not the way to live my life... so i wun do it...JIAYOU EVERYONE!

2009-04-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

I had a bad day~~~ la la la la~~~

today realli arghh.. first i had a new team mate who procrastinate others non-stop...

then i tot to start the day without ytd's problems but then he ended up assuming that i did not accept his sorries and quarrel over nth becoz he tot i scolding him instead of joking with him... get the facts right... don assume... its fustrating quarrelling over smth that is made out of NTH. ( u nv got angry when i said that word normally in the past.. then y get angry now and tot i scold u? if u don lik then tell me earlier... tell me earlier i cant joke abt that with u... )

after met up wth jeremiah... he had a bad headache, and we had a problem of hock's use case specs being all wrong... and theres alot alot alot stuff to be done... my project is too big for a 3 man team... arghh... others are all 4 ppl... we ended up going home instead since hock's specs is wrong.. the extra functions use case are not done yet... and jeremiah having bad headache...

then afterwhich he ask me to look him up at his work place... i went.. then felt lost becoz the whole day juz simply aren't very good.. so i decided to stay and do my work and eat at Mac instead... so i plucked in my com... bought the food... then i realise their power plugs all not working... ass... waste of my time.. and i already bought the food, called my mum tat im not coming home.... and end up i cant do anything and im stuck with a Mac meal...

wat a day i had...~ hiax... i seriously need my coffee...

2009-04-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

OK. im back from my store chalet... well.. after being stress for these few weeks on the sudden pile of work i need to do after such a long break... this chalet really let me de-stress... lol...

although wasnt really looking forward to it at first.. but in the end i did enjoyed it very much.. hehe.. we did some voting done.... on best on certain roles in store.. i won two.. best upseller and best POS register partner^^

well... Man, Allan and Reez practically change the room into a club house... they brought a two and half feel tall speaker cum base, they also brought the player and the disco ball.. lol... spend most of my time slping from the moment i reach and until the net mornng... other than bbq,short poker play time and store meeting.. im slping most of the time... woke up this morning, went for breakfast with Ju, Allan,Reez,Kent and Mus... other all juz started slping... lol.. after which we went for a 3 hr swim.. hehe... fun... went back at ard 5.30pm wit Reez... reach laogong hse ard 6pm.. slack till his time to work and we headed off, me back home and him to work... weEee~~

update pics soon...

i have one more stuff to add to my wish list.... swimming suit...=)

2009-04-09T06:49:00.000-07:00

cant seem to get enough of slp... no matter isit 4 hrs, or 10 hrs.. i juz don feel that i had enough slp and always wishing for more time to slp...

everytime we meet our advisor, our workload seems to add on... ohohoh..

having bad headache today... guess becoz of the wisdom tooth... my eyes feel swollen and redish too... dunno y.. so irritating... feel lik falling sick again soon.. arghh...

store chalet is this Sat!.. not really looking forward to it though... i guess i will spend alot of time slping there.. hehe...

next week is all packed again.. i think this coming one yr sure gonna pass very fast de..

*wishlist for this yr*
#more money (lol dunno how to accomplish tat)
#new bag ( maybe a crumpler? expensive leh)
#more time to slp( i need it!)
#new laptop bag( is it nesscesary?)
#buy new clothes(best way to de-stress hohoho=x)
#new set of bed sheets and blanket
#earrings
#pay increment(have to wait wait wait wait wait *-*)
#coffee master
#PT-shift manager(when are they gonna stop freezing promotion? im so suay=x)
#True Yoga membership( don think i have the time or money though)
#many many many more =x

dunno when then i can accomplish it all.. hehe...

im juz tired and bored now... bored not becoz i have nth to do.. bored becoz theres too much to do and i dunno where to start... hurhurhur~~~

2009-04-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Its 7th April, which is equal to PAY DAY.. but seems lik everyone's pay day is different. For me, payday is not a day i can start 'spending lik nobody's business day', its a day where i use the money tat i earn to pay all the bills and also a day that i have to restart earning for next mth's bill.. oh boy... pay day is not fun at all... at least not for me..

ok.. after all those planning on on my FYP, im abit overwhelm by the stuff i had to finish before deadline... seems lik i need to stay back everyday in sch to do the stuffs and i cld only bare finish it before the deadline... gosh.. programming is tedious...

how am i going to squeeze sch classes,FYP, work and laogong into my every week schedule.. well was headache for quite a while... worry worry worry... at last today i got it sorted out... sort out the time to work... the day to that i can do fyp and also time for laogong when my sch starts.. juz hope everything goes as planned... which does not include me falling sick! so i have to take real gd care of myself... hmm...

if all goes well... when sch starts im going to be a permanent Fri-closer, and Sat-graveyard partner... this is the onli way i can contnue to work but still have enough time for FYP and laogong... sighs.... im gonna miss all my morning regular customer when sch starts... Godfrey, Frankie and co. , Ju, Paul, Brit, Laura, Nickla, Hart and many many more! They are the ones which made my work interesting and great...

i didnt get the top that i want from that webby.. sad... too bad then...

having two wisdom tooth at the same time now... so uneasy!

im tired.. i wan slp... tml is all planned... im stressed! i do not lik to live according to a scheduled and planned life.. but i have no choice now... i cant do things right if i don plan... coz i got too many stuff on mind.. and i need to write down everything everyone tell me, be it work of sch... if not i soon forget it becoz today many things are being told to me in one day... argh.... stressed....

2009-04-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

im bored.. m tired... and im happyily chatting ith 4 friends..~ OOOooo.. so long nv chat liao... omg... sound so turtle like...

2009-04-01T21:55:00.001-07:00

what ever i blog here... it doesnt go into his head anymore... not lk in the past he wld read and understand... but not now anymore... its useless...

which is gd for me.. save up my energy... i wun need to blog abt him.. be it gd or bad.. he is not going to appear in my blog post anymore... becoz it wld onli be a waste of time...

2009-04-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

there we go again.. totally opposite, totally unhappy, totally cant understand each other.. damn... and totally pissed off with each other...

sometimes it juz seems lik we totally disagree... i hate everything..

as always.. its juz smth small to you... stupidity...

ever wonder if one doesnt treat a matter as if it is too small to give much caring then maybe that thing wld nv turn into a problem which u have to spend more time solving.... its becoz you treat it lik nth... then it wld turn into a problem...

he don get me and we don get him... we juz don get each other thoughts...

in the past i get angry and scolded him... he said i was wrong to approach the matter.. so i changed.. now i tried to talk abt it nicely... he said im driving him up the wall.... you see?! if i treat it in a nicer manner then you wld think its not much of a big deal then you wun treat it seriously~!
so am i suppose to be nice or shld i go back to being angry always again... or maybe i shld juz shut up. onli when you think its big deal enough then you tok abt it more.. if its me who made a fuss but you think its smth small.. then its not worth toking too much or making a fuss over...asshole...i hate you.

the more i try to be nice.. the more you don care that i feel im being neglected in terms of feelings... then if i wan to tok abt it mre.. u say i drive you up the wall.. in that case.. lets not tok... if its so fustrating to tok and soothe my worries.. then lets don tok AT ALL...

you wan me to ask other ppl where got bf cools down in the middle of a fight and tokly nicely one... NOW LET ME ASK YOU... WHICH GAL LETS THEIR BF SHOUT AT THEM when IT IS THEM WHO WAS ANGRY FIRST! i don even let my mum and friends or collegues shout at me.. but i let you.. and tats not enough?! and i cannot be angry when i tok smmore?! you muz be mad... then you don noe me all at...

you wan me believe that your sorry was for real after you said that what i've been saying for the past one hour is spiteful words? you are mad again... either that or you don have brains at all... can i stab you in ur heart already then say i did it for your own gd... you believe me?

and not everything can be solve with juz words... nor juz a sry... don think too highly of your apologies... its not gold... nor is it wishing wand... saying that "sry" doesnt mean you don need to do anything...you think that everything shld juz be solved as long as you think or thought its ok after your words of sorry or even smtimes without those " sorries" you still think things is ok...... its not ok! the world doesnt rotate ard u! most guys are all so simple minded... and you are no better...

you always end up saying wat..." y always quarrel, and i end up saying sry one. dont you think you are wrong too?!" ...
hey then please don say that sorries... becoz first... you never meant any one of it, which you will end up being a fake... and second.... you are unhappy and it will eventually built up.

you say i am drivig you up the wall.... pot calling the kettle back! dunno who is driving who crazy...!

asshole asshole asshole...

2009-03-30T07:50:00.000-07:00

have been sick for the past 4 days... feel so dead.. tml doing opening... ytd's shift at paragon was fun... busy, but nevertheless, fun.

other than getting that surprise card from him.. today is juz wrong wrong and so wrong... i juz hate today...hate that my irritation come first instead of concern... and i hate that he doesnt listen to my part of explaination and get fustrated at things that i was trying to explain... i juz hate him reacting as if im forcing him to the wall before i could explain things at LS... and i've already said a thousand times that when im quiet, im juz trying to stop myself from saying the things that i don really meant... im juz trying think and to understand... u also had ur times when u need to think or wateva... y cant i have mine? muz quiet always equals to angry? hiax.. sometimes we juz don get each other and i dunno how can we get along or how we did manage to until now.....

no matter how many times the same thing repeats.. if you don say.. i wun noe and i wun understand.. i am not mind reader...same goes to.. if you don lik tat shop( regardless of wateva reason)... if you don say.. then i wun noe... and if i think you are perfectly ok wth this shop... then i see no reason y suddenly you are not ok, unless u have a perfectly reasonable ans for it... tats y im fustrated... it is so hard to tell your gf you simply don lik the feel of the shop from the first time we got in? if you told me under normal time, we cld have avoided that shop. =( is it becoz of pride tat prevents you from saying? or u didnt think it was important enough?.. well now it becomes a prob btw us... is it still a small prob?

sometmes to you.. everything u also say is small prob... u nv noe how i feel... not everyone feels wat you feel, think wat you think.. and definitely not me.. i need you to say... then i understand...

relationship is sometimes nice, sometmes great, sometimes neutral..hateful at times AND.. sometimes FUSTRATING TO BOOT...

found: By saying the right words, at the right time, to the right person, then onli will it be useful. If not, it will either turn harmful, orrrr rubbish.

today sux.. i hate today. fustrated fustrated fustrated. and i hate tis phrase" i dunno".. u'll nv noe wat is the person thinking when they say this... fustrated... so if anyone use it on you.. use it back on them...let them try... either it works... or they don even wan to bother to try and know wat you tinking.

can i scream.. i feel lik going out of the house now... but where can i go?... shit shit shit shit shit.

2009-03-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

peep peep

its Tuesday~~~!!! anyway... its a kinda boring week for me... recession in on and going so is my timing for work... cut labour ah~! so im having alot of offs offs offs offs for this week.. bored till i drop.. im really not the kind of person who can juz rot at home and be happy abt it.. " i like to move it move it~~!!"

other than spending the morning at laogong's hse...ytd was realli a suffocating boring day for me... so i asked Bx out to walk ard.. and i ended up spending alot of wat was left in my bank ( which is not alot )... wats done had already been done and gone.. so tats tats lor... after which i head home ard 11pm and waited for laogong to knock off from work.. oh its my first time ironing his clothes ytd ho ho ho haha...

ytd i booked a badminton court.. so me and laogong headed over to workout abit this morning... well.. we both realise we are abit plump ( more for him =x).. so im forcing him to work out... after that bought lunch for ourselves and his mum... and he cooked soup too.. haha... hmm... after the satisfying lunch and a small chat with his mum... i headed off to sleep.. totally love his bed.... i dunno y... i always sleep well on it... hehe... i might juz end up liking his bed more than him =x lol.. laogong woke me up ard 3pm and we walked back tgt le lor.. he to work and me off back home...

started off bored again the moment i stepped back home today... so i found things to do.. i watched a DVD movie " Passengers"... cleaned up my room, tables, cleared unwanted clothes in my waredrobe, sweep and mopped the floor... washed up tonnes and tonnes of clothes( me and sis clothes all tgt)... washed 3 rounds lor.. lol... some had to be hand washed too( which is not little you know!!!).. i also end up washing those clothes that have been forgotten and got thrown in a little corner by the washing machine.. all in all.. i did alot of house work... in between i also had time to send laogong his dinner.. haha... its 11.30 now.. i have the last batch of clothes to hand up and then im off to bed~!! ( omg.. i have no idea me and sis had accumulate so many clothes not washed... hohoho.. but its all done now~!! SATISFYING)

2009-03-18T07:40:00.000-07:00

okie.. he is back from his GT trip ytd night... went to budget terminal to pick him up.. today spend our day eating, walking ard Northpt... and today we washed car tgt in the evening... lol.. was my first time washing car.. so fun!! love seeing the car shine.

agreed to watch Hotel for dogs on fri~~ cant wait! yoo hoo~!

2009-03-15T12:26:00.001-07:00

closing today and second opening tml.. yawn... don feel lik slping le... only left 3 hrs to go before preparing for work again..

hmm mr bear is now on his graduation trip...Thailand.. will be back in Tues.. hope he enjoy himself throughly haha.... counting down to tues... faster come back ba~~ don play till forget me le oh~miss ya...

have ya watch robbie and the book of tales before?.. well the "boy" robbie came to my starbucks today... kinda all grown up and look real adult lik now.. haha.. he was here all the way till we shut the lights and then he and his friends are happy to leave... lol...

cant wait for my store chalet to happen! can bring him along... tootpid allan kept trying to psycho everyone and haney that we shld not be able to bring our own "friends" along... moron! haha but well we manage to at least agreed that onli on the second day then we are allowed.. hmm.. i love going to chalet with laogong... he always is extremely nice during chalet! but well.. i did not mean that he is not nice now... he is always nice.. =)... well maybe not always... but almost always? ^^ haha

2009-03-03T06:18:00.000-08:00

some random pics which i took these two months but dd not have a chance to upload.

trying a new hair style?this is the result, toot.

me and Ju, one of my regular customer~! Tall non-fat 140F vanilla latte

know of the seven eleven kitty collection? tah dah!~~~~~ i still short of one onli.

i cook de!~!!!

laogong cook de... nice! he got a knack for soups...but!? hate this lotus!! becoz of it i cut my finger!

cheesy chicken ham roll with japanese bread crumbs!! my newly learned dish! great!

tah dah~~~ our combine efforts!

bored! tooked while doing up the stuffs for coffee seminar..hmm

blog blog blog... don seem to have much to say now.. but anyway.. juz in case this blog gets too dusty... i'll blog today.. lol...

played badminton with sis and laogong today.. after which we heated up wat mum cooked ytd and had a great lunch! after which he drove me to the library to return and borrow new book, .. juz realise i got a $8.10 fine.. omg... so had to pay lor... also went to buy the memory card for his new digi cam ( my bro-in-law gave him de lor!!) and we went into pet shop to look at the cute doggies and ham ham.... head off to his hse and slack all the way until dinner time, which me, him, and his mum went to chong pang for dinner lor... yawn tired~

totally dread the time when it comes and he have to go for NS, and i guess im gonna be real bored when he go to Thailand for his GT trip... how how how~

2009-02-23T02:05:00.000-08:00

live life with the " this is it " attitude~!

2009-02-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

2am/11 Feb

The man who loves you nv makes you cry. The man who does?.. doesnt know how to love you.

Enthusiasm nv choose time, does it? Caring about others feelings does, and especially not when you are sleepy.

i choose the wrong time to be enthu abt the special day, he simply nv thought how i would have felt by the reaction.

Is he only the one tired? i guess so... and it seems so... i was nv tired enough to don care... and he is nv awake enough to care how i felt by those reactions...

how can you love someone but be so neglectful abt the feelings of your love ones? i cant... unless i choose to be...

------------------------------------------------------------------

yea was disappointed abt the talk on sky flyer... thats why i throw myself into planning that special day so i could forget how disappointed i am with his practical reply on the sky flyer( but i know he is right, practical though... but correct tat we are on budget.. so i tried not to be too sad abt it...though he didnt say it in a nicer way... i tried to understand)..... worked at first... but didnt work out in the end anyway...

was also abit sad that i had to give up half of the day for his FYP, but i know its the right thing to do... so there isnt anything to be really sad abt... so i tried to plan the earlier part of the day a better one so that he can have a happier day to work with even if he had to go home to do his report after tat......guess wasnt gd enough to keep his enthu level up enough to humor my enthusiasm...

special days was suppose to be planned tgt... to be happy abt... to be enthu tgt abt... but it wasnt so for us... i juz think that what if one day this relationship came to a boring straight line..where everything is so practical.. uncaring.. nth to be look forward for.. and wat will happen? it had nth to do with budget... special days are special becoz it comes from the heart..done according to our heart-felt feeling for each other... planned specially for each other.. becoz we made it so... it has nth to do with budget... nth to do with being too tired to tok abt... or giving a decent reply...

maybe for you... there are always things that are too tired for you to be done nicely when you are tired.. especially with me... too tired to reply... too tired to reply decently... too tired to reply what you felt from the heart... may i ask... wld you ever be too tired to go to work? wld you be too tired to go to sch? would u ever be too tired to not finish stuff given by ur boss? .. y muz this excuse always falls on me?

if you go to work everyday and comes back to always tell me you are too tired to give me a decent reply... am i suppose to live with it?

to you, it not an excuse. its a reasonable explaination... but its not resonable if it always only used on me, and on me only. would you rather i work myself as tired as you do and always tells you im too tired to react evrytime you tires to tell me smth... im tired after work too.. not only you...

im suppose to take care of ur every needs while you neglect mine? to understand u have to do project, to understand ur mum or auntie wans for me going over to eat instead, to undertsand we have to work with budget(all these i can understand), but to undertsand u r tired and cannot reply me properly when im planning stuff for us so that we can make gd use of the time tat we have to be tgt?... What abt me? im not human? i don need assurance? hiax

can i always do things or say things without thinking and if it hurts you , can i juz tell u a reason of mine and you will keep forgetting the hurt u get, and understand that i will simply be that hurtful uncaring way as long as i have reason of why i do it?? is it acceptable?

2009-01-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

a few days ago and today~

saw yiai's post abt her having a fight with her bf. made me thought of my mind recently.

mayhep it was unmatured of me to keep saying those things abt letting go, but sometimes communication broke down in a way that i simply cannot get thru, stucked, fustrated, totally hopeless and i really cant do anything abt it, becoz our tots are stubbornly opposite. Explaination was simply worthless at the moment, and there is nth i can do.

everytime we quarrel he simply have new reaction to shock me, and its getting worse and worse. i never want to know what is the next reaction and ans from him if we quarrelled again.

the moment he said ok and goad me more to say it had me so shocked. i've never felt that empty sadness as much as i have that moment. Tried very hard to forget those words but i couldnt, it juz kept coming back to haunt me. Pride told me to simply let go since he agreed, my heart? simply stop. Although back to normal now, but i still couldnt get that moment and the words said out of my head. Pride made a person so harsh and unfeeling. There are times when we were tgt and i could forget those words that you said, but somehow at certain time of the days those words always came back to haunt my thoughts.

I have no idea y he always had to wait till i cried my heart out, shout my thoughts out again and again until i felt so hopeless then he start to see what im trying to say. although i appreciate that he tries to understand it in the end. but having to go thru that heartbreaking stuff again and again before he finally gets it really drain me away...

Feelings was never the problem between us. Although i've been feeling so unsecured ever since he had said those things to me that day... some part of me knew that feelings was nv the problem btw us.... but still i felt so unsecured...Communication? YES, the biggest and very long lasting problem... like a marathon, a non-ending marathon that had me almost giving up time and time again....

( i know u always tried hard to repair the relationship after those huge ugly quarrels, thanks for willing to do so. but going thru those quarrel is really such a torture and always leaves a mark in our hearts.i really hope we could stop that and live lik we do now.)

my spiteful words and ur short and bad temper... simply doesnt work well tgt.

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onli 5 ppl turn up for first meeting, went home ard 2pm ... met up with sinyi at bugis and went shopping, afterwhch met up with laogong to do his new year shopping too...but before that we went to BJ starbucks to drink coffee since im kinda thirsty and he wanted air-con, and there is this angmoh who was joking with the counter partner and i join in the laugh too, after which while waiting for the drink he told me " you've got a very nice smile".. and tat totally made my day! hmm laogong's favourite shop's criteria increased again, and he looked so disappointed... lol.. all in all, had a tiring but enjoyable day. shop shop shop, smiles smiles smiles.

regarding the angmoh's incident today.. i really felt that i prefered english ppl way of education their child, more open to their thoughts and always nv had a problem with giving generous compliments, small little gesture from them would means alot to asian as we are more shy and are always keeping our thoughts to ourself, nv wanting to voice that out.. and see how little compliments light up ppl's lives!! so asian lik us should learn to be more giving towards our compliments to others, in order to live a happier life ourselves =)

mr michael koh zhixiong : you can learn by trying to compliment me on what i wear everytime i meet you ! Becoz i always do try to dress up nicely when im out with you! don wait for me to fish for compliments! gd nite!

2009-01-11T22:40:00.000-08:00

snacks!!! tons and tons of snacks!!!

when myma got her bumble bee collection from us on her last day in SB-PP

i nth to blog... bye~ i onli know i wan to slp.. but today got ut.. can go home yet..

2009-01-01T07:50:00.000-08:00

new year~~ ==== new calender! . at last i can use my new calendar for 2009, i bought it from precious thoughts and looks so sweet~~ love it....

today all my partners are either half sick, sick... or half drunk or half drowsy from the count down party last night... * shake head * lol...

2008-12-31T06:18:00.000-08:00

today is myma's last day in SB-PP. met up with haney and went to wheelock place to buy myma most wanted gift, thats the Transformer Bumble Bee collectable, $190 sia~ and i chose a real cool gift wrap~~!! love t so much... and myma was elated of course!!

anyway.. not only myma got gift today.... me too=) rohaini gave me my belated christmas gift.. whaha... its a Starbucks Coffee 2009 Planner, onli available in Malaysia and is limited edition~!

laogong made the apple balloon, i took pic too. it can stick on wall.. so cute~

actually took pic of all the stuff today.. but lost my mini SD card... so cant upload the pcs yet... so many things inside and i lost it... was so sad =(

ytd laogong drive me out to lower seletar to see if got ice cream eat there anot.. was angry... angry that he didnt even bother to tell me when is he coming and made me wait till i so hungry.. a hungry person is always a grumpy one. didnt feel lik talking at all becoz he didnt think he was wrong ... and didnt apologize until I ASKED HIM TO... so i juz kept quiet ... but its was nice juz sitting in the car, resting my head on the chair's head rest, looking out into the nice scenery and enjoing the breeze and music from the radio.... so all the while i juz kept quiet and did just tat...

1 mre hour and its yr 2009! wat do i want to do for the up cming new year?.. actually im looking forward an also dreading this coming year becoz its 3rd yr and tats mean 2 fyp to do... hiax.. guess cant avoid ba...

i wanna book a chalet next yr to stay for fun during holidays... maybe even for my bday next yr... have to book 6 mths earlier... yea yea chalet chalet~

2008-12-26T06:30:00.001-08:00

okie... took some new pics with laogong and also found some pics that has taken in the past with SB-PP peeps at multipy.com set-up by shima

today slept to my content.. hohoho.. tml opening...

2008-12-23T08:11:00.000-08:00

work is fun fun fun.. becoz... the competition is between me and allan for the retail and AT challenge... and we are like 2 crazy people fighting for the retail customers.. and everytime one gets the retail, the other's face will be fuming.. lol...

anyway.. due to certain reasons.. i didnt go for the gift exchange party... was so guilty.... hiax... but anyway.. was realli surprise that allan actually buy that small cute " sugar, spice" mug for me.. lol... lik he said... as promised... sometimes juz cant differentiate he is gd or bad... lol.. but definitely a ' fun to have ' friend... haha... as a friend, i cant interfere with what he treat gals as... but as a gal i realli don lik it... and he is getting nag by me everyday i see him.. i think he going crazy soon... coz im like his conscience, so he says, coz i always nag abt his behaviour... lol.. but he doesnt change.... is all our full timer guys lik this except for Hazman?...omg...

anyway.. for christmas, me and laogong bought each other a mug too... a mug that we chose.. lol.. abit no surprise la.. but at least is the one that we lik... and its rght on my messy table now... told myself that is only for plain water.. becoz he keep askng me to drink plain water...

tml is christmas eve~~ lik wat rohaini says! its RIOT TIME~!

2008-12-22T08:31:00.001-08:00

focus for this holi is:

1) earn money!
2) save as much as i can!
3) aim to sell as many espresso passport as possible!
4) win the retail & AT challenge at work!
5) hope for increment of pay!
6) enjoy my holidays at work!

currently... im doing pretty well for the first four... can onli hope for the fifth, and trying to make sixth happen.

worked.. as predicted.. at least one person didnt come for work and i got to extend my working hours again( very willingly!!! more money!!)... but this time is not Mus but Naim... he apparently didnt noe that he is working today... and gd luck for me tml... im second opener and Mus is third.. lets pray he comes.. if not... im am going to be super woman wth Lily again...

today stayed back after work to do the retail challenge chart... since we already had the AT challenge chart to see where each partner stands in the race... i tot its a better motivation for us to have the retail one too.... that also let me sees where i stand in both the challenge race. well... currently allan is catching up to me for the retail.. hope i wun lose to him... FIGHT SABBY!! AT is more uncertain.. becoz each partner do well on some days, and did not do well on some... depends lor~~dunno can win anot.. hmm...

2008-12-18T05:03:00.000-08:00

holidays were here.. tot to leave some days to go out ..but too bad... none asked me out... boring... so ..starting from next week i cld work everyday, since i put in my schedule request everyday... therefore wun be bored anymre...

guess.. this christmas and the coming new year wun be any big deal to me.. juz work work work and work... allan request to work graveyard on new yr eve so he wouldnt have to go out with any of his 3 galfriends.... butbutbut.. wat if all three came to store to spend new yr eve with him? lol...... gd luck allan~~~ happy new yr eve....

sometimes i realli don lik to read his blog.. its juz lik reading his world without me... yup.. it feels lik this... onli when we had real big fight then he will blog at smth connecting to me once in a blue moon...

my blog? be it gd or bad.. at least there is him...

before i get angry again... holding ur hand at mrt ytd was the best thing i ever did in mths...

juz wanna you noe wat im telling u ytd .. u wan me to ask for ur opinion on decision, i did.. u wanted me to repeat, i did... but whenever i do... u took it for granted and don realli bother... its not that i wan to get angry... but lik i said... i did my part.. but u lik to take me for granted... u do... and when i get angry.. u think im being unfair.....

at times i dunno wat to say to u on the phone.. hiax.. i also dunno...can we ever talk lik we use to be? can we ever be back the way we use to? even putting off days also had to spend it all alone... wats the pt of off days? hiax... dunno la....

to me frm tml onwards : coffee 15%, water 85%. can i do it?

2008-12-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

work have been boring... maybe becoz farhan wasnt there le ba... allan now in total got 3 gfs... how superb... the day before ytd i juz screwed up my closing... felt so bad abt it...

last wed went to the startbucks 12 anni party, at times bored, at times fun... but the food is extremely good...

slept for 15 hrs... actually i didnt intend to wake up at all.... hiding in bed is good.... but too bad.. im starting to get headache with so much slping.. so had to get up....

these week's schedule so slack... working for onli 5 to 7 hrs per shift...if i knew its all 5 to 7hrs, i wld have put my schedule available everyday... boring...wat to do... everyone having holi... and mima suggest she attach me to other stores next week to help out a few days... since other store in orchard district needs ppl... omg... i hope its not Liat... i'll be busy to death.. next week is 6 working days for me... coz i put available for six days next week..hope to work work work work...

bought a new pair of working shoes couple of days ago... felt much better of course.. but still it gave me some bruises since its still a new pair...

when fyp approved... i wld have to give time to do project and also give schedule to work... doubt i would have much time to myself... yawn....

alot of things have been said, alot of things has been done... but still its lik this... to me words are juz words... be it type, written or said.... without actions or situation to prove them ...its nth at all... and im too tired to care now..

2008-12-08T19:38:00.000-08:00

Starbucks Openhse was totally great totally fun and totally tiring!! lol.. wO0ts~!!, our store did 400 hundred drinks in that two hr.. haha... i did 45mins bar and 1hr frap handing out! I guess Thomson Plaza did the best of 800 drinks in that 2 hr! GREAT JOB everyone!

Ahn last day in PP was on the 6 Dec... i miss him so so so so much! one of the greatest partners ever=)

Im very clusmy these few days... keep getting burns, cuts and blue-blacks... now both my hand felt so sore and pain...

tml is the Starbucks open hse dinner =) the dress code theme for that night is MAMMA MIA~! i wanna wear that black dress with the sliver head band...hohoho...

School ending soon~~~ then 3 weeks break would come! hehe...

Yawn.. im still sleepy...